Two Vampires For Sale.


The word ‘vampire’ probably conjures up some image of Edward Cullen, sparkling in the glistening light. While Bella stands in the background staring at him like she had never seen anyone quite like him before. Which is the truth since Forks is the one and only place where it has vampires running around and attending high school with your daughter and son.Before flashing to the image of Brad Pitt when he was handsome and not personally sporting that pirate look with a mad twinkle in his eye. And no I don’t mean the sexy mad twinkle but the mad twinkle that has made him appear less sexy and more…old. And Tom Cruise when they decided on dressing up in vintage clothing, which is now a trend by the way, splashing on white paint and gaining pointy sharp teeth before walking around like they were indeed vampires and not actors.

To the forever sexy Ian Somerhalder, who plays Damon, in the television hit drama for teens. The Vampire Diaries. Beside fellow hotties Paul Wesley and Nine Debrov. To which I have to admit is a fantastic show once you get the hang of the inner working and twisting tales of the romantic love story that seems to wrap around the viewer or rather, seduces you into coming back and watching it again. If it didn’t then, that is fine. Probably your brain just doesn’t understand how a teenager mind works.

Then flipping it from the ever loved up teen drama to the one true vampire show that is destined with blood and gore for adults. True Blood. With our truly hunky blonde vampire that goes by the name of Eric and our ever changing and somewhat arsehole of a King (well he was King last time I watched) Bill. Along with the ever charming and some what dry humoured blonde ambition, my personal favourite, Pam.

I think my fetish as we all know which is based on vampire books and movies has now gone from being on the pages to now morphing into my real life. On that thought, maybe I should stop reading books about vampires and start concentrating of how Barbie rode off into the wind with Skipper rather then then surfer Blake and Ken. Because we all know that Barbie preferred a little girl action.

I don’t see myself doing that without having to down a large bottle of vodka and watching Dora the Explorer before even touching that subject with a lit match. So how does my fascination of the deeper side of what is possibly one of the most interesting ideas someone has created, apart from the Egyptian pyramids, relate to my actual real life? And no I am not losing the plot, however give me time!

I have two living, breathing, somewhat good looking vampires within the four walls of my house. And no I didn’t have to welcome them inside, instead they live here. Also they don’t go by the name of Stefan, Bill or Eric but rather have some very popular names from the nineties and they are: Andrew and Jordan. Very special names indeed and very familiar if you ask me. Otherwise they are known as my brothers.

Overcoming the last few months of transitioning into party animals during the night and sleeping corpses during the day. Like any other vampire, I am expecting them to open a Fangtasia Night club any time soon within the vicinity of my bedroom to other welcoming and somewhat scary vampires. As yet, they have just decided on hitching up the lounge room as an entertainment zone for when they are being vampires during the night while I am trying to sleep.

With that I am guessing that vampires have short or probably long term memory loss when it comes to situations such as a bad tempered bitch, hurtling fire balls at the back of your head which is bad enough to set your hair on fire.

That and that evil bitch is plotting ways on how to wake the vampires up. Unfortunately staking is not allowed in Australia but it shan’t deter me from placing ear plugs into their ears and cranking the music up on Van Halen.

Or possibly something along the lines of some heavy metal shit that the wording cannot be understood and all you can pick up is some gurgling sound in the background like someone has just had their throat sliced.

And so the evil plotting begins.

Now you are probably sitting here thinking, what the hell does this have to do with nursing?  Simple. One precious thing that is the most important thing to me after my family, cat, shoes and boyfriend. Sleep.

You know that glorious few hours that you get when your body is at peace, your mind has switched off in some cases, plotting story lines that don’t make sense or I am about to become Hannibal Lecter and preform some botched up surgery.

And yes, I do know that Hannibal Lecter is not a surgeon but rather a man eating maniac. Or better yet my particular favourite dream is turning up to my exam block clothed and then as I am sitting down to take my test, I look down and I am naked. The fear of my exams coming up shortly is starting to play havoc on my mind and it is driving me up the wall.

So when I am not studying my nursing degree or working my arse off for my money to be deposited into my account so I can spend it on my rent and other items that come with being an adult, I can be found tucked up in my bed with my electric blanket on. Asleep.

And my living and breathing vampire brothers tend to forget that.

If they are in the lounge room…sorry I mean entertainment room with no muffled batting to stop the noise from leaking out and the surround sound loud enough to host the nations music party; then they are in Jordan’s room screaming down a microphone while killing people through their Xbox. At some unGodly time in the morning where most of the nation are sleeping or getting ready to finish/start their shifts.

The screaming from my room which sounds familiar to the lines of, “Shut the F*** up!” or “Turn that F***ing shit down!”. I am surrounded by a non stop party train to I don’t know where that doesn’t seem to be stopping any time too soon. Except in my case, most innocent hostages that are being held against their wish can leave ANY time they want to. Me, I am stuck here whether I like it or not.

Besides, I can’t leave my new bedspread behind that I have witnessed a few family members eyeing up like it would look lovely on their beds. BACK OFF! It looks more awesome on my bed, with my shit thrown all over the top then it would on your bed! Mum- no names are featured.

So with this quick blog update as my eyes are starting to get sore and my brain is starting to look to the clock, wondering when we are going to sleep; I simply have to say this:

I have two vampire brothers up for sale.

Frodo is dark haired, olive skinned, 6 ft 4″ tall and can do most things around the house and if you have a problem with your car. He can fix it.

Pablo is 6 ft 5″ tall and still growing. Has brown curly hair, olive skinned with a teenage attitude of “what, bitch?”. Knows how to cook but unfortunately cannot locate his hands most times and likes to pound your knuckles with his.

If I have presenters that I think will take good care of them, teach Pablo some manners about respecting people and how to possibly ditch his shit of an attitude and teach them how to iron a shirt: then they are coming your way. Also if you could knock out their vampire attitude and make them corpses during the night rather the day, I shall be ever thankful.

Until next time,


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