“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.”
― William W. Purkey
Dearest, most gracest and prestige Readers of Mine,
Life as Scarlett O’Chunky likes to throw me a ball or in many cases, a trillion balls and expects me to juggle them. As you and I must have gathered by now in our short but relevant time, we take time to communicate to one another. With that, I have been a fantastic juggler of both the trillion balls, life experiences and many thoughts and opinions that seem to float in the ever filled to the brim folders and boxers in my head.
In fact, when most people go to their closets and pick out what drab and boring clothes they are going to wear for their 9-5 job; however please note, if you work for Vogue or Elle, then I am positively jealous of you and your wardrobe choices. Instead when it comes to me and when I am not a university student, I go to my closet and pick clothes that shield a variety of things. Whether it be the outstanding fact that my bust size has increased (once again) and I am having to resort to the boring, drab and only beige bra that I own because it still fits. Somehow.
Or the fact that half of the time, I try to squeeze my curvy figure into a pair of jeans that says 1- and it appears they have been made for a size 8 and my hips have yet increased. Again. Too which then I become increasingly upset as you would in general because now half of your wardrobe doesn’t fit. And the mere amount of hours you have spent working out, watching of what you eat; is now being represented by your body presenting two imaginary middle fingers and the banner of “suck this bitch!”. Clearly I am sucking it because I cannot fit anything I actually want to wear.
Am positively laughing about the idea of not fitting any clothing. Along with the thought of having to go up another size, which is making me laugh so much that half of the time, I feel like sitting on the edge of a bed with my clothes clenched into my fists and hysterically laugh. With unhappy tears. The bullshit I have been telling myself of: ‘you are fantastic with a little (a lot) extra padding that most women who are on the tiny side of life would be sitting there saying, “I wish I had a body like yours”‘…..before I finish that sentence, where the hell are these bitches on a day like this?
It is bad enough that I am putting my general concerns about my body into this blog and for everyone to read, and yes I know everyone has some body part that they hate with a passion but for me: today it is everything. I hate how thick and luscious my hair as today it resembles a bunch of floppy strands that weigh down my head and I just want to hack you all off. I hate how my clothes no longer fit and it seems like everyone around me is dropping the weight and somehow, it is ending up on my body. And I hate it how two strangers in a shopping mall who openly followed me while staring in disgust, has not only made me so insecure about myself but also they have seemed to make my life that little bit more unbearable.
So with that, on behalf of myself and I would like to say: Thanks a fucking bunch.
As I remember being taught by my parents when I was a little girl and still am reminded as a much older version of myself, that if I didn’t have anything nice to say than I shouldn’t have anything to say at all. Now to me after sitting here for a split second, clearly I have nothing nice to say about myself so maybe I should just be quiet? However in contradiction to that, weren’t we told as young children that it is rude to point and stare at people in both your own home and in society? Clearly these ladies didn’t have those teachings at home or just to put it quite blankly: Maybe they just forgot to put their manners into their handbags today and take them out when they were in society.
Or if they were lazy enough to locate them somewhere in their house, another option would be to wear their manners like an invisible cloak from Harry Potter and pretend to be socially appropriate in politeness before going home, taking the clock off and become their disgusting selves. Without having to politically correct themselves for their horridness, rudeness and general lack of caring that not everyone is built naturally slim and can easily fit themselves into a size 2. As I sign off from that part of the blog, I would like to finish with: Welcome to the 21st century ladies. Where the average body size of a woman is a size 14+ and in my case, I fit into the category. It is best that you keep your hurtful thoughts, opinions and side glances to yourself as your thoughts, opinions and side glances could potentially kill someone who is in a fragile state of mind.
On too other breaking news in the life of Scarlett, I resat my exam for Medications: Theory and Practice. I do not find out my exam results until the 21st which is lo and behold, yours truly birthday. So considering it was ‘very’ similar to my exam from last semester, I am hoping that I did better then what I did last time as I feel that I may have passed this one. Although, I shall not get too carried away with cockiness and I shall play it cool like a slice of cucumber and then shall party if I do/not receive the results I wanted.
With that, I do not think I could have done it with the amazing support system that I have wrapped myself around in. For someone who sat there this time earlier last year wondering, or rather stressing over the fact that I wouldn’t meet anyone and no would like me, it has only taken me eight months to realise that I am in fact liked by a number of people and that I have indeed meet some amazing and slightly eccentric weirdos’ that I now classify as friends. So if any of my eccentric weirdos’ do actually read this: Thanks a bunch ladies!
To end this blog with the smell of jasmine cooking and the ever lingering thought of brilliantly decent butter chicken curry with a side serving of freshly made naan bread; I would like to say that I have to travel to New South Wales this week coming for some personal reasons. And depending on how things go with that visit and if I am stable enough, I will back to updating my blog in hopefully a fortnights time as I am failing to keep up with my New Year Resolution. However if I do not update for a month or two, please do not think that I have left you stranded at party at which you know no one but I am having to face a tough life experience at the moment.
And in the end, will lose someone who means dearly to me and I do not think I could continue to update while being emotionally fragile and will return when I am strong enough to balance the world on my shoulders. And when I have had enough time to grieve for the loss that I am about to experience. With that, please continue to stand beside me, hold my hand and when needed, prod me in the shoulder when I refuse to continue ahead and wish to go backwards instead.
I will finish this blog off with,
In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”― Robert Frost.