Welcome Back Kotter…..

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Scarlett and this evening I am your chief flight attendant. On behalf of Captain Auf Wiedersehen and the entire crew, we would like to welcome you aboard Qantas Airlines, Flight QF0660. Non stop service from Brisbane, Australia to your destination of choice stopping for a brief interlude to frolic amongst the waves in Hawaii before continuing onto our destination.

Our flight time shall be for this afternoon 1400 hours. We will be flying at an altitude of 30,000 feet at a ground speed of whatever the Captain wishes to fly the plane at. Since Qantas believes in supporting our passengers, we would like to inform you that you are the co-captain for this afternoon and evening on board QF0660. 

At this time I know you aren’t resisting the urge to adjust your seats, poke through the back of the seats to see what little goodies were left behind by the previous passenger or playing with your tray tables. If you are scared, please inform yourself that you are going to be safe in this metal contraption we call a plane by staring out the window and slowly wiping that horrified expression off your face. With that, please make sure that your seat backs and tray tables are now in their full upright positions. And since we believe in safety, a full one hundred percent and wouldn’t wish for you to go flying out the window when we hit turbulence, we need to make sure that your seat belt is correctly fastened.

Now for those passengers who are experiencing a little bit of difficulty with your seat belts or tray belts, we have fabulous staff willing to help you. And because we appreciate the service that you have presented with us today by choosing to fly with Qantas, you shall be served with a miniature bottle of bubbly. For those who do not consume alcohol due to various reasons, your choice of options this afternoon are passion pop, lemon lime bitters or sparkling water. Blame our boss, Alan for that. With that, we advise that any electronic devices such as your emergency pager, mobile, laptops, iPads and vibrators will need to be turned off or for those who wish to have them left on, put them onto aeroplane mode. Thank you. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, it has come to that certain time of the month again that most people groan about. No, I am not talking about the time when the female body decides to make millions of cells commit suicide but rather I am talking about the countdown. The countdown that I am referring to is when my freedom of not being a university student comes to an end, which is when my fears and worries come to a stop and where I leave the comfort of my parent’s home. As I slide my arms back into the familiar cloak, which resembles something along the lines of what Harry Potter wore when he attended Hogwarts, I am wondering what the semester will bring in way of many things.

As of this present moment in time, some changes have already been under way and therefore have gotten the ball rolling.

One of these changes which may appear to be minor but rather, I feel has been a drastic change is the way that I see myself as a person. Since I have discovered, particularly myself, that no one likes listening to someone who is constantly putting themselves down to please those around them or with the hopes of gaining sympathy. I was finding myself waking up each morning and while brushing my teeth, would find something that was un- perfect about myself such as the way my hair sat that day, my eyebrows not being perfect or the way one cheek sat higher than the other.

And after one morning of thinking out loud and being told that I was neither ugly nor plain but rather I was beautiful and kind hearted that I decided I better turn those thoughts around. Hence why I decided that July was going to be the month that I said something nice about myself on a daily basis and with that, I have been able to change the outlook I had on myself. I have now taken it upon myself while I am brushing my teeth that I reminded myself that I have more things going on for me rather than just my looks or how my boobs seem to fill out a bra nicely.

The positive factors that I have going for myself is my inner ambition for success in life along with positively embracing those around me. While hoping that my good fortune might rub off onto them and that whatever they had been wanting achieve may be achieved in due time.  My lust for all things curry at the moment which will be served with steaming naan bread, roti, rice and other little condiments that go well with a curry. Determination in achieving the goals that I have set for this semester at Uni, including the belief that my stress levels will decrease further particularly when it comes to assignment and exam time. And finally, the belief that I can do this, that I am spectacular, I can kick butt, I am not insane and that I am a fantastic daughter, sister and friend will further inspire me to succeed. 

The Captain has just confirmed that we are about to take off shortly to our destination, please allow me to go through the safety instructs making sure that your journey is relatively safe as possible. If you have any objections, please hold those comments until the end. With that, please watch your flight attendant.

When the seat belt sign illuminates like a ray of sunshine, you must fasten your seat belt no if, buts or maybes. To do this, you insert the metal fittings into the other and then tighten by pulling as if you want to fit into those jeans but are having to resort to lying on the ground and heaving the two together. Now when you realise that you no longer fit those jeans, to simply release you lift the upper portion and slide it backwards. However since skinny jeans are still in fashion, we suggest that to keep them fastened throughout the flight as we may experience what we call turbulence. Now ladies, this means bracing the girls for that little bit more of added comfort, as we wouldn’t want you to get a sore back.

For those who are safety conscious and have repeatedly looked at the safety brochure, provided to you by Qantas, there are five emergency exits on this aircraft. We have the exit at the front and rear of the planes and for those men who wish to be impressive, there are two exits over the wings. I am going to give you a few short moments to locate your nearest exit in case you wish to go sky diving, however due to other passengers being on the plane, we do not encourage that for this trip. IF we for instance happen to land on water in one piece, the doors can be opened by moving the handle in the direction of the arrow. And each door is equipped with slides which can be detached from the plane and used as a life raft. If this is the circumstance, us staff encourage you to start singing out loud the theme song for The Love Boat.

Oxygen and air pressure is always monitored by our adorable Captain and Co-Captain. Now in the event of decompression and for those moments we wish to get a little high, an oxygen mask will automatically appear in front of you including a little round, disco ball. To start getting high, pull the mask towards you and place it firmly over your nose and mouth while securing it with the elastic band provided. For those travelling with children or those who are travelling with their miniature sized animals such as a poodle, secure your mask first and then assist the other person/animal. Now remember, the bag does not always inflate however the oxygen is flowing into the mask, remember I know. Please keep your mask on until a uniformed crew member advises you to remove it or when you have sustained the amount of highness you want. 

In the event of an emergency such as your disco ball isn’t rotating or it appears that we are free falling from the sky, please assume the bracing position. This position is created by leaning forward with your hands over the top of your head like you are being held hostage, your elbows are against your thighs and ensuring that your feet are flat on the floor. With that, please start to sing ’put your left hand in and your left hand out. Put your left hand in and you shake it all about, you do the hokey pokey…’. 

You will find this and all the other safety information on the card located in the seat pocket in front of you. We strongly suggest you read it before take-off. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask one of our crew members. We wish you all an enjoyable flight.

Now as I was saying before the Captain decided on alerting staff members that we are about to take off to our destination of discovery, I feel that this semester may bring out a whole new me. And no for those who are thinking that Scarlett is now going to be running wild and naked in South Bank or start consuming massive amounts of leafy green vegetables in the attempt of dropping a few kilos, I feel that my attitude towards Uni may…no, cut that last word and change it to will improve. 
I have decided that with this new semester, I will no longer continue to dwell in the misery of losing my Uncle and therefore, resorting to comforting myself with a bottle of wine. Along with the small amount my brain actually gave as to whether or not, I appeared sober for my class the next day or not. Now remember, I went from not drinking a single drop of alcohol to ‘hello Brown Bros. You’re simply delicious” then promptly collapsing in a heap on my bed. 
As I would label my condition as dangerous as my attitude towards University homework such as readings, homework its self, assignments along with generally giving a fuck about my education was somewhat washed away with that bottle of wine, sometimes a shot or five of whatever I had stashed away in my collection of goodies. And to sadly announce this to my whole entire population of readers, the attitude I had towards myself was drastically different and outright disgusting. If I was a psychologist by career choice, I would have deemed myself as depressed, battling the odds of humanity and life.
Now for those who are wishing to sit there and point a finger, do not point it anywhere else but me. In fact, I am sitting here and pointing the finger at me because I was the one who decided to go the unhealthy way of grieving, dealing with my anger as well as bitterness particularly in the last two months or so. And with that the absolute hatred I had/have towards my Uncle. Simply because he did not listen to what the doctors’ said and continued on the pathway he had already chosen for himself. Since I am speaking of myself and of no one else in my family, I was the one who became emotionally damaged and in a certain way was actually afraid to show any emotional in case I cracked.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Captain has turned off the fasten seat belt sign and you may now move around the cabin. However, we recommended you to keep your seat belt fastened while you’re seated and if you wish too, the bathrooms are big enough to have sex in. In that case, welcome to the Mile High Club. You may now turn on your electronic devices if you haven’t already done so. In a few moments, the flight attendants will be passing around the cabin to offer you hot and cold drinks as well as a snack. Now sit back, relax and enjoy the flight. Thank you.
It is time for change of flight pattern. The change will not only do me a world of good in so many ways that I cannot comprehend, understand nor do I wish to put them down into words. I do not want to be known/seen as the miserable/soberish person sitting in the eighth row from the back in the lecture hall or the idiot who doesn’t understand what the meaning behind the word ‘being happy’ means. Instead, this semester is going to be different and I can announce in a good way. With the urge to change my beliefs and values as well as my habits of comfort in my lifestyle as a single female and university student, this is how I am going to change.
I am going to actively participate in class conversations, greetings/doings and actively step outside of my comfort zone and make more friends.
I am not going to lose focus on why I had decided on becoming a university student and with that, hopefully not become my dreaded fear of becoming a robot again.
I am not going to allow the negative thought of dropping out of Uni impact my feelings towards my education and will strive to reach an understanding as to why I am feeling that emotion. 
I am going to understand why I am experiencing feelings and see how I can change them or try to eliminate them.
I am going to achieve five of my goals that I would like to complete by the end of the year. First goal is to go past Danny Boys at Uni and actually go down the hill at Uni.
I am going to start eating healthy and with that, actively participate in becoming fit and developing a routine of physical exercise into my life.
I am going to remember that I have the same amount of time in a day as does anyone else, including Beyonce. And with that, it is simply down to organising my life in a productive manner.
I am going reapply my focus on picking up my GP and put it back to where it had originally been when I attended my other university of choice.
I am not going to allow negative thoughts, beliefs, feelings, attitudes of others bring down my positive belief about myself, those around me and also disturb my frame of mind.
I am actively going to seek help for when I do not understand something, whether it is with another student, friend or going up and asking the lecturer/professor.
I am going to board the train/bus and randomly pick a spot on the map and stop there for the day if I do not have uni.
Finally, I am going to jump off the bridge and when landing learn how to swim again. And from where I am standing on the edge of the bridge, the water is looking pretty warm.
This semester is about improving who I am as a person, my lifestyle habits and also the life that revolves around me and also my little bubble of comfort. And now it appears that we have a final message from our ever fabulous, chief flight attendant.
Ladies and Gentlemen, we are about to descend so please make sure that your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position. Making sure that your seat belt is securely fastened like a great pair of skinny jeans and that all of your additional carry-on luggage has been stowed in the overhead lockers. Please turn off al electronic devices until we are safely parked at the gate.
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the destination of your choice. The local time is currently 19.18 on a Sunday evening and the temperature is currently I’m wearing socks and a jumper. For your safety and comfort, please remain seated until the captain has turned off the seat belt sign and this will indicate that we have officially arrived. Please check your seat for any personal belongings that you may have brought on board with you and please use caution when opening the overhead lockers, in case something jumps out and wants to attack your face as heavy items may have shifted around.
I would also like to remind you to please wait until you are inside the terminal when using any electronic device. In fact, why don’t you just wait for a few extra moments before you start reading those emails as I am sure, they will still be there in another fifteen minutes or so. On behalf of Qantas Airlines and the entire crew, I would like to thank you for joining us on this trip of a lifetime and we are looking forward to seeing you on board again in the near future. Have a nice evening and stay.
Welcome Back Kotter…
Thank you for still continuing to stick around, read my random thoughts of my universe and for being supportive.
Until Next Time,
Cheers xo


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