Keillor once stated, ‘Sex is not a mechanical act that fails for lack of technique. And it is not a performance by the male for the audience of the female; it is a continuum of attraction that extends from the simplest conversation and the most innocent touching through the act of coitus’.
I happen to agree with that statement.
Dearest Readers of Scarlett,
I welcome you to another blog post.
However this one is not going to be your somewhat average post that has previously been uploaded which no doubt has often left you wondering why you spent ten minutes scrolling down a screen.
On that note, I think it personally boils down to curiosity and insanity.
On both your behalf and mine as well, we are both mutually curious and insane.
Or you feel those previously spent ten minutes could have been used by making your move on some poor innocent looking lamb at a bar. Complete with stool sliding gracefulness, predatory gaze over said lamb and the casual dropping of ‘your place or mine?’ after buying our not so innocent little Lamb a drink.
Before we proceed though, we need to take off the goggles that cover our eyes and start to slowly shake off the bubble wrap that we have allowed society, our personal views and opinions to cloak us in.
With that, we are then able to discover what may or may not be the true meaning of sex is and the joy of living outside of the box. I am calling this moment in time, “living like Samantha Jones” along with the additional thought of living in Carrie Bradshaw’s closet of dreams.
This blog post originally came to mind one morning when I was busily scanning my lecture hall while waiting for the prime opportunity to simply walk out of my lecture.
The curious thought as to what people did while attending lectures was soon confirmed by four innocent people who were going on with their daily lives.
Knowing from personal experience that I have taken a few snapchats during a lecture and adding a disturbing sentence before sending it off or falling into hysterical laughter while reading my deliciously sex based emails from a certain lady who wishes to remain anonymous.
My emails and conversations of late happen to be revolving around the ever spinning door of bondage, domination/submission, how far I am willing to give up my control, cocks, condoms and anal sex.
Since I am curious as to what is available for those who would not necessarily describe themselves as the ‘vanilla’ type, I decided to Google BDSM clubs.
I was massively let down when discovering that Brisbane, the Sunshine state of Australia, there was only club within a 100 kilometre distance which soon changed when I clicked onto their website. My eyes were soon opened to what potentially could be a thrilling area of sexuality for someone I know.
After scrolling through photos of people being paddled, whipped and being dominated, it still left me confused.
Even though I have been brought up by an incredibly fantastic woman who has always been open about her sexuality, confessing her love for The Butcher and her disliking of him when he fucks up; I feel that women and men are still figuring out what our/their individual sexual preferences are.
No I am not talking about labelling ourselves as gay/lesbian/transgender/bi or A-sexual but rather what we are in regards to our sexuality and how we can find this release.
These outlets of preferences could be deemed as ‘socially inappropriate and therefore need to be kept behind closed, locked doors’ and if we wish to alert the media (our family/friends) if we decided if we were going to take it up the arse.
I for one have been told that having anal sex can be rather pleasurable but then at the same time, have heard my fair share amount of horror stories. But then I guess everyone’s thoughts, feelings and emotions are completely different from the next person as to what we do and share in the bedroom.
So like most bloggers, I had the idea in my head of what I possibly thought what sex was all about but when it came to finding the appropriate wording and context, it was a different matter.
That was until I happened to glance up from drawing a pair of handcuffs in my book when I became intrigued as to what the other human beings around me were doing on a Monday morning at 10am. This is when my fascination soon turned into this blog post on sex.
One: Really don’t know if I should buy the purple dress or the blue one. Fuck it, I’m going to buy the red one. Whip out credit card and buy dress for the party on the weekend. Maybe Damon might remember who I am after we had that amazing sex last time.
Two: ‘Hey Man, so I was turning around to speak to this guy behind me when I noticed this chick bending over. Her tits were hanging out of her bra and seriously, I think I saw nipple man! Thank you very much flying pen!’
Three: Mum and Dad want me to get the best education ever! Look, I am writing lecture notes because there is nothing like having a 90 thousand dollar student loan….oh cute onsie!
And lucky but not least: Four: “‘www.fucktube.com’…..mhm categories….MILF…sweet! Wow, her tits are huge!’”
‘Hello future male Registered Nurse. I can see the surgical incision marks under her breasts from five rows back and seriously, they don’t bounce like mine do when I am in that position. Take note, I have real ones’.
Ladies and Gentlemen, at some ungodly hour of the morning I was watching porn alongside my fellow male classmate.
After ten minutes of watching some middle aged woman being taken in so many positions that I couldn’t help but wonder why she was pretending to enjoy it when clearly it was evident she was in pain. With that thought, I decided it was time to leave before the finale of her faking an orgasm and him no doubt coming all over her face.
With that I cannot say it is the best porn I’ve watched considering I barely watch porn to begin with.
But I do know one thing and it was that the guy was nowhere built as my previous relationship and with whom I’m seeing now and with that, I guess I got the cream and she didn’t.
However before the idea of porn being readily available to anyone over the age of 18, or at least I like to think so and before I became a sexually active woman; I was once told some wise words by an equally if not wiser woman.
These words have played a major role in my relationships, both physically and emotionally. And when it came to what guy/female I wanted in a partner, this played a part when it came to ‘sealing the deal’, ‘popping the cherry’, ‘going all the way to third base’ and when I was romantically involved with someone.
The words have caused me to jump heartfirst into serious relationships, contemplate whether or not I was labelled as ‘gay’ until I realised that as much as I love women in all forms and shapes; there is something about the touch, smell and feeling of a man that outplays the soft, delicate skin of a female.
These words have made me step outside of the comfort zone that often surrounds us as humans and be comfortable with the idea that a one night stand is nothing more but the disposing of pent up frustration.
Finally, thinking along the lines of any male who has been involved in a ‘friends with benefits’ relationships doesn’t make me any less of a desirable woman, probably more so because it shows that I am looking for some casual fun and therefore be deemed as a whore.
In fact, whores choose to be paid for sex therefore being labelled as high class escorts or prostitutes by society. However by my standards of interest: it makes me powerful.
‘Try before you buy!’
The Sex Goddess having spoken these words out loud allowed women that I knew of to know that it was okay to ‘try before buying’ the product of cock. Even though most of the women that I have spoken too had secretly thought about stepping out into the world of casual fucking, we were/are still reminded by our aggressively praised male dominated culture that doing so, would make us less attracted and therefore labelled as ‘promiscuous sluts’.
Somone decided to take those words and make it into a hit show dedicated to women and gay men.
HBO brought to the lime light four differently opinionated women to the forefront of media and our television screen that made us sit there and say out loud “about fucking time!”
HBO made us pick a character/s that we could relate too, inspired us to become determined in succeeding both in the bedroom but also whatever job we had, our thoughts about sex/relationships, made us fall in love with designer names/labels and wondered if we were ever going to find our own ‘ever thine, ever mine, ever ours’.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present Sex And The City.
Sex And The City as I remember from a young adults point of view was about the gorgeous shoes that Carrie used to run around New York in, thinking about relationships and wondering if I was ever going to find my own Mr. Big.
As an adult and somewhat more open eyed female, SATC was ground breaking because it showed women’s lack of guilt when it came to spending 40,000 dollars on designer heels, openly admitting when our partner had a seriously tiny dick and if his sperm tasted like 2 year old cottage cheese.
My particular favourite was when Carrie finally got her Mr. Big, Charlotte was asked if she was willing to do anal, Miranda discovered she was pregnant by one-balled Steve and Samantha was Samantha.
I read an article on SATC that stated, ‘women had previously beaten themselves about their mishaps in life. However these women in SATC picked themselves up, complained over brunch or cosmopolitans and carried on living’.
We no longer resorted to throwing ourselves onto our beds with a gallon tub of ice cream, a massive spoon, tears and a slideshow of our ex to some depressing music sung by Britney Spears.
Instead the show not only boosted women’s confidence, sexual characteristics but also what we deemed as true love, 250 dollar stilettos I am now wearing when I fuck my next partner/one night stand.
The formation of our new list titled ‘Mr. Big’, discovering that Trey isn’t the only guy who can’t get it up but how we can become determined, incredibly powerful and lustful strong women.
However, thanks to Patricia Fields, SATC fashion revolutionised the way we dressed for ourselves but also for men/women’s eyes and how we carried ourselves.
The turning point was even more prominent when Samantha argued when Carrie was paid for sex, “Money is power. Sex is power. Therefore getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.”
This statement along with how open minded some people are today have inspired the creation of shows, books, blogs and music popping up and introducing us more into the world of what else lies outside of the ‘vanilla’ square some of us live in.
Shows like ‘Masters of Sex’, ‘Orange Is The New Black’, ‘Girls’, ‘True Blood’ and my personal favourite ‘Mad Men’ all showed women who were determined in achieving the best for themselves, inspiring those around them and also how we can and will dominate the world.
As for music today, most of the music and musical videos are directed towards the male population of viewing.
We all know that guys like to see a 20 something year old woman strutting around in a pair of undies that doesn’t leave much to the imagination, legs that go up to my armpits and a ‘come at me baby’ look.
However having said that, I may have replayed Usher’s ‘Good Kisser’ clip more than a few times because who the hell doesn’t like looking at a guy who can play a drum set, make a cunnilingus movement and dance?
Clearly the only blind women would as I swear a few gay guys must have creamed their pants.
Because I certainly know that I had to change my panties and refrain from pushing 007 Sheriff and asking him around for a little ‘tea party’. Where lo and behold, I have forgotten my tea party set but I happened to be lying there instead.
With that, the poor Sheriff wouldn’t have had any other option but use his mouth and hands when it came to eating my delicious muffins and other delightful all sorts.
Now that’s an image I wouldn’t mind seeing. As for that, do not get me onto the subject of Jamie Foxx and his crooning because if that man came to me with a suggestion; like they say ‘once you go black, you never go back’ and ring-a-fucking-ding.
Since I know The Sheriff would kick my arse for not mentioning this, erotica or otherwise known as to him ‘smut’ has become one of the biggest genres to be read by women and men.
I have asked my Dad what he thought while he was reading my erotica books and often had a lengthy discussion on what he perceived the stories were about, particularly from a male’s point of view.
It is now not deemed to be socially inappropriate to whip out ‘Natural Law’ from your handbag and start reading or glancing at the erotica section in your local library for ‘the kinkier the better’ descriptions.
Because we all know that she is going to be fucked and whether it’s by a cock or two in the vagina or up the arse and we are okay with that.
With writers such as J.R Ward, Lora Leigh, Maya Banks, Tara Sue Me and Lauren Dane to name but a few have been turning on women and men for the past couple of years.
Note how I didn’t mention anything to do with a certain big shot movie coming out next year because I knew I would be getting it in the neck from my Facebook friends.
Who not only hate the book but also how the woman has trashed her fanfiction fans and with that, turned her back on the actual people who made/encouraged her to become ‘famous’. Besides the story was so much better as a Twilight fanfiction and when the BDSM scenes hadn’t been tamed for general reading.
The blogs that I read on a weekly basis for example, ‘Heaven On Bourke’ may not necessarily fall into the sex category of life or BDSM. Rather it falls into the category of sophisticated, powerful and highly entertaining women.
This 20 something year old woman who writes a blog has kept me on the edge of my seat from the first time I had accidently stumbled across this blog of hers and still does to this day.
I felt devastated when the guy she had liked decided to pack up and relocate to some exotic destination outside of Australia; I got pissed off at the home owner, who clearly didn’t give a shit when the roof caved in on top of her and the Queen Bees.
I feel envious because she is in my home town that calls out to me whenever I think of Sydney. But most of all, I feel pretty special to have an amazing Mum that leaves delicious little notes that are either sent in the mail, via text or email just as her Mum does.
Blogs that I have stumbled across particularly while researching for this topic, have made me laugh, cry, ponder in amusement and somewhat confusion and has made me ask questions.
I feel as if this blog has allowed me to open up in so many ways, question my inner thoughts, beliefs and feelings towards some things that I would never have thought about and openly question who I am as a woman but someone who is interested in sex.
Sex is not something that I take lightly but rather I often find myself thinking about the pros and cons before jumping into bed with someone or running away like a bat out of hell.
Just ask Lois about how many pros and cons list I went through with her before realising what I had in front of me was a something that had no strings attached to it. And I was the one actually in control.
The thought of being the one to sit there and say, “I’m bored of this” has made it less scary, controlling but has allowed me to be open with what I want and how I want it.
With that, I have discovered sex not only can empower women into thinking that having a casual fling with someone won’t get them labelled as a ‘slut’ but rather patted on the back by other women.
Sex can open many doors that you would not have originally thought to have been there while closing a few that seem rather dull, goodbye boring vanilla sex and hello spanking and dirty terms like ‘fuck me hard!’.
Sex has led to the less attractive representation of women and men in musical videos and not all of us women like being known as ‘hoes’ or ‘bitches’ in lyrics. Sex has caused blogs, stories and everyday conversations that would not have happened 50 years ago to be brought to light.
Overall, sex has caused my Father to sit there and say, “No mentioning anything about kissing, touching, fondling and sex”. Only for me to sit there ten minutes, calmly put down my fork and turn to Lois and say: “So how’s your sex life, Bridget?”
Gabriel Garcia Márquez quoted, ‘When a woman decides to sleep with a man, there is no wall she will not scale, no fortress she will destroy, no moral consideration she will not ignore at its very root. There is no God worth worrying about’.
Until Next Time,