On The Eighth And Ninth Day of Christmas, Santa Gave To Me…..

Dearest Readers of me,

I apologise for not having kept to my schedule of posting nightly as clearly I didn’t post an update on my blog last night for you to receive a message stating otherwise.  

I know that it was probably unprofessional of me considering I had made a deal with myself when accepting this job of trying to update daily and inform my readers of my opinions, thoughts and experiences that had happened throughout the day.  However no one is perfect and for having said that, I admit that I am not perfect in my record since this is the second time I am going to combine two days worth of blogs into one.

For those who actually wonder why I didn’t post last night and with that, are going off at me; I had to deal with some personal things in my own life outside of this screen.  From the get go when I first walked downstairs to grab a glass a water to the moment I hit the sack last, I was dealing with life.  

With that, multiple phone calls trying to figure out where things stood, where I stood which was clearly in the middle of my bedroom and wondering where to go from there.  Straight ahead and two steps to the right and you have the bathroom, Scarlett.

And like most things that happen in a bloggers life, we don’t necessarily want to write it down for the whole world to see but rather prefer to keep it private.  Unfortunately for you, my last name isn’t Kardashian were everything gets recorded from the moment I go the bathroom or deliver my first child but rather my last name is O’Chunky. 

As much as I jokingly tell Lois that if a camera crew followed my family around for a month, they would end up quitting their job.  Not because we are scary behind closed doors but simply for the fact, Lois would be ordering them to put down the camera and ‘eat’.  Red would be talking about car parts to the motorcade guy who drove us around and that is all he would talk about before roping everyone in to watch some four wheel drive video.

Having just admitted that we would be having someone drive us around, look Lois and Red: no having to be rear passengers teaching your kids how to drive.  

While you are relaxing in the back of SUV with tinted windows, pop that bottle of mascato and we shall toast to our driver.  And since I am going to be the famous one out of all of us, hello Scarlett is the name, I would like Donna Summer’s ‘Bad Girls’ to be playing.

While driving around and entertaining ourselves with random conversations that are going to be edited and cropped for the viewers, Frodo shall be chilling in his room either watching a video, anime or CCTV of who comes and goes.  

If he isn’t doing that or being stalked by the local police (paparazzi) then he will be going for a kill shot on some game he is working on.  Pablo shall be in his dungeon of fitness and pumping iron so when he takes off his shirt on television, ladies will swoon and want to throw panties at the television screen.  Or turn to look at their husbands like ‘why can’t you look like that?’.  

As for Kaffy, who will be going now by some exotic name like Sapphire Juliet, she will be in her bat cave (pamper room).  I’m not sure what she will be doing as it is unknown what her actions are as we are never welcome in her bat cave without being glared at or asked harshly, ‘what do you want?’ like we are an inconvenience to her.

But since it is my fantasy for this second, I am thinking Sapphire Juliet (Kaffy formally known as) shall be revising her speech for some club appearance she is being paid for.  Or practicing her speech for when she becomes the next female Prime Minister of Australia.  While she is doing that and striving to become the next political head poncho, I’m picking out my outfit for that exact moment.  

Nothing fancy that suggests that I am wanting to be the enemy of women, the fantasy of men however something that relates to the working class people of Australia, multimillionaires and everyone else.  

In front of the camera I am going to sip delicate little tea cups filled with water (vodka) and off camera, I am going to practice my smile for when I stand next to Sapphire Juliet.  But in reality, I shall be discussing medical related things such as what surgeries I would love to see or perform one day, why you shouldn’t touch trolley handles and moan about my craving for brownies and whipped cream.

As for The Humog and the cats, they will either be expected to be cuddled (Ziva David and The Humog) while with Lulu, she will expect her ‘slaves’ to feed her and then piss off.  Clearly my daughter of a furball has her priorities in order. 

Now for actual reality and not dream land, my excuse for not having updated last night for entertainment purposes is the fact I was dealing with personal things.  I was also moving my bed.  Say what now?  I know it doesn’t sound like a logical excuse for getting out of having not uploaded but I did move my bed from different rooms.  

Saying that, you would think after having shifted half of the bed out of the room, you’d realise something important.  We soon came to the conclusion after four different attempts of trying to get the bed head through the door, that it was too big.

This soon spurred on a mad dash around the house, going through cupboards in the bathroom, laundry, kitchen, pantry, rubbish closet and in our rooms to find a screwdriver set.  After tossing the house up and down and not finding the blasted thing, I made a list out loud of all the places I would stick it.  

Racing through the house again just to double check, I called out “Is it too late to go next door and ask to borrow a screwdriver from Mr. or Mrs. Skippy? Maybe I should annoy 64 for it…with that, its a pity they aren’t having a party”.  

Now as I am saying this I realise when I start to make a list out loud of where I would put a screwdriver, we haven’t looked in two places.  And those two places were Nannie’s car and the garage.  Racing down the stairs, I tried moving the bed back into the room as I felt my leg give a twinge and then watched as Nannie brought in the screwdriver kit.  
Nannie stuck in jail…

Spending thirty minutes looking for the blasted thing which had been hiding under a gigantic pile of shit in the garage, we set about undoing the bed head.  It was in the moment when I walked away with the cause of all the anguish in my hands that I declared we didn’t need a man to help us and that Kaffy would be proud of me.  

Because I was not only helping out rather than dictating orders as normal, but I was wielding a screwdriver the correct way.  Just having said that and realising my error, most guys I know would have sat there and mentally calculated the distance of the door frame and the size of the bed head.  Thus confirming out loud that the bed head was too big to fit through the frame and that we would have take it apart.  But as I see it, I need to make mistakes to gain knowledge from.

Besides, I cannot always be this intelligent without a few stupid moments in my life.  Otherwise, I would be pretty much a boring and weird person.

It was then time to move my bed into the other room and then start to reassemble the bed.  Positioning the bed so I was near the window since we are in the beginning of summer and I suffer from the heat heavily, I groaned at the thought of having to make the bed when all I wanted to do was face plant.  

Soldiering on with the last bit of elbow grease found somewhere in the bottom of my pocket,  I grabbed my linen, made my bed before collapsing face onto my bed as my legs stuck out in the air.  After having a conversation with Lois about Christmas plans, plans and if Jerry Hall was coming for lunch; I signed off and was in the process of going to sleep when it clicked.  It clicked in my head that I hadn’t updated my blog and by this time, I was already snuggled in bed with my blanket up under my chin and my eyes were droopy. 

I vowed that I would upload tomorrow before enjoying the sounds of Julie Andrews singing, ‘Tuppence A Bag’.  And before I know it, I was waking up with a start because my brain was telling me I was in a foreign environment and why had the soundtrack to Mary Poppins had stopped playing.  

Because the night before I had fallen asleep to it and it was only for the fact that the sun was peeking through my blinds that I realised it was daylight and when glancing at the time, it was 0738.  Clearly my body didn’t think I need a sleep in as I had gone to bed early and with that, it was a good sleep that I had as well.

Considering I’ve have had good days in regards to typing my blog posts, I believe Santa has decided to throw in a spanner resulting in a day being filled with crap.  It also more emotional imbalance then what is normal in my life or when I have PMS.  

Because Santa is so nice and caring, On The Eighth Day of Christmas, Santa Gave To Me one hell of day that can only be described as awful.  The reason my day was awful was due to spending most of my day making phone calls which I would now hate to see my phone bill and in return, I wasn’t able to watch any Scandal.  This caused a pretty pissed off me to greet my house mate like I was about to go too war and with the mood I was in, I was close to pushing Quinn out of the scene and take over the role of ‘Baby Huck’. 

With that, since I am over being a depressed person and thinking pyjamas are the new black, it is time to hit some happiness and pop some pills containing smiles and laughter.  Because who doesn’t like smiles and happiness?
Lois, Kaffy & Scarlett.

While I listen to Julie Andrews singing as Mary because I am gearing myself up for my childhood memories of fun and danger, I am slowly counting down the hours until I am back in Lois’ arms.  I know that I have only seen her not even six weeks ago but I can honestly say that it feels like it has been three years since I saw my family.  

I know that I won’t be able to take over the television and hold onto the remote as it is ‘Dad’s property’, I have been preparing myself.  Preparing myself to deal with anything related to four wheel drives, shit on Youtube about cars, four wheel driving and repeated episodes of NCIS because he hasn’t seen it.

Which reminds me, I need to get up to date with Gibbs because I am letting the team down.  And I know I am but I cannot bring myself to farewelling Ziva because I liked her more than Cate originally and well Ziva was awesome. 

Its also that same with The Soprano’s as I don’t want to know if Tony is killed or he lives, Sookie and Bill and the ending of the triangle considering Bill was dying from Hep D and from what I heard, the ending was pretty shit.  And finally, Nurse Jackie which is wrapping up after something like six or seven seasons which I know when the time comes, I am going to cry.

Reason being is because Jackie, who I know is a fictional character, was actually the person who made me sit down in front of a computer and actually apply to go too University.  To do my nursing degree after spending two years of contemplating whether I should do Law, Public Relations or Nursing.  And when I first watched Nurse

Jackie and I saw O’Hara in her glorious heels and Jackie snorting I don’t know what, it was destiny for me.  To become a fantastic nurse and one day doctor, while not wanting to become a nurse who sniffs opioids.  As I see it, I’ve studied for four hard and mentally exhausting years to end up being caught sniffing some shit up my nostril or experiencing a downscale of coming off my high.  Which would end up with my career being thrown down the drain.  I vote: no thanks.

Now the prep that I am talking about when I am about to return to The Little White House is where I spend most of my afternoon on the couch, watching whatever show I want.  In my case because I have been craving things that go bump in the night along with Olivia and Fitz’s disturbing love story, I started off the prep mode with season one of The Vampire Diaries.  Closest thing that had sharp teeth, incredibly good looking males for actors and the ever sickening fantasy of, ‘shall I do Halloween next year?’.  And considering I am looking more and more Bella Swan post transition to vampire hood, I thought it would be highly appropriate to join my other fellow brothers. 

Also because I am not understanding who or rather what has happened in the seasons before six.  Considering no one likes a confused person watching a show with them because we all know they will end up asking a thousand questions, I’m rewatching the seasons.  And since I am normally the only one home when I am doing this, its not like I can ask these questions to myself and be given an answer.  

I would love to but I’m confused.  And since I’ve pulled my hamstring from moving furniture last night, I decided the couch was better for lying down on it rather than sitting as that didn’t help.  This reminds me to tell you so then you remind me when I go shopping for furniture, get an L shaped lounge because this means I can lie down rather then be cramped up like a kidney bean. 

While watching the first season of The Vampire Diaries, I’ve rediscovered how much I loathed Caroline in the beginning of the series.  I can honestly say that I can’t wait for her to be turned into a vampire because after that, the character becomes more bearable but even now, there are some moments where I feel like smacking her.  Slightly improved but still makes me sit there and wonder why Elena is friends with her and not Bonnie?  Now I had to admit that I have always liked Bonnie from the beginning as there was something hard about her that didn’t make her appear as if she were fragile.  That was until Grams died and then she went downhill for a while but now considering where the girl is and what has just happened, I don’t blame her. 

With that, they need to bring back Bonnie because I cannot wait for her to go Mad Max.

Having my vampire desire decreased from where the level it was at originally, I have discovered else that is deliciously cringe worthy.  Now as I have previously mentioned in other blog posts, apart from being addicted to Greys Anatomy and now Scandal and How To Get Away With Murder, I’m addicted to reality shows.  

Out of my family, I am the only one to get excited when I see there is going to be another season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians because like my family, that family is insane.  With having said that, I have long given up trying to talk to my family about what is happening and how Kris had to clean up dog shit because no one else gives a shit what I’m talking about.  So instead, I’ve resorted to not speaking any more about what I am watching but rather stare at whoever is talking to me like ‘I cannot hear you’.

And since I am constantly looking for new reality shows, I am in love with Geordie Shore and so is Lois.  I managed to get Lois hooked one day a few years ago when I brought home a season and popped it on while curled up on the couch and proceeded to spend the next 40 minutes or so, laughing.  Hearing a guy’s dick being referred to a parsnip, the girls vagina’s as ‘fairy’ and how they are going to ‘tash on’, Lois and I were equally horrified and amused.  

Even now we sit here and try to figure out what they are saying and sometimes have had to pull up the Geordie Shore dictionary, which is an existing thing, to understand some of the words that are being said.  In fact, Lois was telling me about how Charlotte got a Brazilian and well, I don’t think she would have been allowed back to the same beauty parlour afterwards.

After last night and the shit that happened, Santa owed me a good day and did he deliver.  On The Ninth Day of Christmas, Santa Gave To Me…Reality Television.  Loads and loads of reality for my amusement and for better knowledge, it has actually helped with picking my mood up.  Gotta love the trashiness of reality fakeness.

Until next time,

Cheers xo

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