And in a result of eating healthy, drinking more water and cutting out the bottles of booze that used to grace my life; I’ve managed to lose nearly 14 kilos (31 lbs) in the process.
The next resolution that graced my eyesight was relaxing around exam time and not becoming an insane university student. Safe to say, I am still insane but not during exam time. In fact, I took on the approach that I had gotten myself in this situation by wanting to gain further education than proudly displaying my grade 12 certificate. After sitting first year, first semester exams having less than 9 hours of sleep from pulling all nighters, I soon learnt my mistake. In retaliation, my body decided to get back at me by crashing completely and therefore not being able to focus properly at work. Finally, my lip broke out in a cold sore from sleep deprivation.
It was in that moment of crying my pathetic self to sleep that I decided to never pull an all nighter again before exams. And that I was going to calm the fuck out.
After completing three more semesters at two different universities, I have never pulled an all nighter before exams and that I have indeed learnt from my mistakes. Saying that though, I did pull nearly pull an all nighter for my last assignment for Mental Health. But least to say, I stopped typing/editing around 10 pm and managed to get a decent 8 hours of sleep before editing some more the next morning.
And essentially in the process, Lady Blacksnot did not have to take her gloves out of her pocket and whack me in the face when I become deranged. But rather rewarded me instead with chocolate vodka cake, tacos and two piña coladasthat left me rolling around on the floor in utter hysterics.
Resolution number three was to go out and actually socialise with people from a variety of different backgrounds. I have always been fascinated for as long as I can remember about people from different countries, ethnic backgrounds and beliefs that everyone has. Having spent the last two years before 2014 in my grandma night gown, hair in rollers and watching reruns on tellie; I decided that when I moved to Brisbane, I would eliminate my comfort zone of grandma panties.
| scary stomach-holding-in pants very popular
with grannies the world over.
This is how I found myself shaking off the dust from my going out dresses, sticking a green hat onto my head for St Pattie’s Day and dancing away the night with a bunch of lads from Ireland, Canada and Samoa. Needless to say, I was not empty handed when requiring a dance partner nor was Lady Blacksnot. I also found myself during uni hours working with other students from multiple countries doing assignments together or genuinely talking to them during class time as we worked away on our tutorial notes. And thankfully I never found myself going to RRA (Road Rage Anonymous) in the hopes of meeting new people.
2014 was the year of Scarlett O’Hora and with that, was in the introduction of discovering who I was as a woman. During the year, I had found myself kissing one or five guys and thus discovering how men have a certain beliefs on how they think women like to be kissed. In some cases when reflecting, I am shaking my head in disbelief. And on many other occasions, talking myself out of damaging my throat and mouth after having bleached it because they were that terrible. As I have always been told, you need to experience the shit kissers/lovers before you find an exceptionally good kisser and lover.
After being subjected to Henry the Octopus’ twenty seconds of torture, I found a man whose kisses could make your toes curl, knees weak and heart beat stutter before pounding uncontrollably. All the while stepping back in a complete daze before shaking yourself out of the stupor and questioning why some men can’t kiss properly.
|Time to pull a Samantha…
However, I have also had to deal with a lot of negative comments from both family and friends in regards to the year of being Scarlett O’Hora. This boiled down to Lois and a few friends, not understanding why I had decided on doing what I had originally set in motion.
I had once acted like a nun, who didn’t drink or have a social life due to fearing being emotionally blackmailed by her partner; I was determined to make my own rules and live by them. Whether or not they were the correct rules to make at the time. After having sat down and actually asking myself what rules I wanted to live by, I decided then and there, I was going to take a year off from the dating scene.
Having made that decision and sticking to it, I soon followed with another that would lead me to experiencing what the wild side of life was like. Being single meant that I didn’t have to be concerned about what the other person was feeling and if I wanted to, I could experience a relationship that was purely based upon sex and no emotions. As a result, I lived a year of being Samantha Jones while still holding onto the hopes that my dear old pal, Bridget Jones held close to her heart.
The next thing that I wanted to accomplish during the year was to expand my drinking abilities from a max of 2 drinks to three drinks. Before the news of my Godfather passing, the max number of drinks that I started off with was a tiny glass of wine while glancing at Lady Blacksnot’s 3/4 filled glass of wine. Not to mention the options of what I wanted to drink had broadened largely from drinking the delicious taste of air and water. But that all changed when I was told of The Admiral’s passing and knew that there was only one solution to dulling the immense pain I felt.
It was in that moment as I poured myself a incredibly large glass of wine not to mention four shots of vodka, that I decided I was going to ease my pain by drinking myself to happiness. As much as I thought it was going to work, my problems and issues were still at the bottom of the glass of wine and bottle of corona when I finished. Clearly this didn’t work out at all as I discovered one morning when my head was hanging over the toilet, I smelt like vomit and I was crying uncontrollably.
It is safe to say that I managed to knock the three drinks out of the ball park with a home run. And at that time, I could have been officially dubbed as a miserable, drunk person that no one wanted to talk too. And to top it off, my last name was no longer O’Chunky but rather was now known as #whitegirlwasted, after saying that it would never happen.
Finally, my sixth resolution was left blank for an emergency.
Having thanked myself multiple times for this blank emergency, otherwise known as S.O.S, it was used whenever I needed it.
S.O.S was used in moments where I needed to get out of my comfort zone and do something different. Such as taking a train after pointing to a destination and simply riding the bus for freedom. Or I found myself using it when I wanted to murder my housemates with what they were doing or not doing in some cases. All the while confirming to myself that the colour orange is not the new black nor would it compliment my skin tone.
It was also activated when I gave Lady Blacksnot, amongst many others, advice which is still being pulled out from hiding and used. One of the best quotes so far used today is, “Use the balls on your chest!”
S.O.S was also put into effect when I happened to do the walk of shame in my own apartment. So instead of freaking out and clamming up, I decided to pull a Samantha and admit to it. Why be ashamed of what I had been doing behind closed doors and in the privacy of my own room? Besides, I am an adult so therefore I can make my own decisions.
Another scenario that I found pulling out S.O.S was while writing most of my blogs for 2014. And with that, decided to touch on subjects that shouldn’t be poked or prodded and are ones that no one should bring up at a party for fear of causing World War 5. Instead, I decided to be a little risque and talk about politics, religion, sex and money. Before finishing it off with some medical shit that had been happening throughout the year as well.
For example, how I ended up being a patient more then I was actually allowed to play Nurse Scarlett, who gets to hold a fake scalpel blade.
No doubt this would have left everyone sitting there with their mouths open, both in horror and fascination. Because I, Scarlett O’Chunky had not only poked the bees nest but I had also taken a baseball bat and whacked the shit out of it. All I can say is, seeing what your face would have been like, would be priceless and no doubt I would have laughed. It also saw me step out of my comfort zone and do something that I thought I would never have done until a photo inspired me.
Overall, the year of 2014 was a year of discovering who I am/was as a person and I can say I have succeeded in doing both what was written and what was implied.
Dearest Readers, I can hear you asking, “So Scarlett, what do you have planned for the amazing and incredible year of 2015?”
To be honest my dearest and most appreciated Reader, I’ve been thinking hard about it. As much as I would like to stick to four or five things on my resolution list like I did last year; I know that this year is about pushing boundaries and myself. With that as Pink sings about love, I have decided to broaden my horizon and therefore my goals that I would like to accomplish within the next 365 days.
And in return, not only blog about these achievements I managing to accomplish but when it comes to reflecting back upon the year, I can see how far I have come. Such as where I first started off, how far I have fallen before picking and dusting myself up/off and hopefully, how happy I am. Because I work on the basis, everything that matters dearly in my life is about making me happy as a person. But also in making sure that I am not someone, who is constantly down in the dumps.
As for my resolutions, I could always refer to what Bridget Jones’ wrote in her diary after attending her Mother’s, Turkey Curry Buffet. And I believe the words that she wrote were, “Resolution number one: Obviously will lose twenty pounds. Number two: Equally important, will find sensible boyfriend to go out with and not continue to form romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts. And especially will not fantasise about a particular person who embodies all these things… Unfortunately he just happens to be my boss, editor in chief Daniel Cleaver, and for various slightly unfair reasons relating to this year’s Christmas party I suspect he does not fantasize about me”.
However as much as I secretly believe that I am destined to become Bridget, listening to Sad FM for those over 30, I have my own resolutions. With that, I would like to introduce you to Scarlett’s Resolutions For The Ever Magical Year of 2015.
One: Keep fit and active. You have managed to lose weight and has inspired you into achieving your goals which you’ve been wanting to do for the past year or so. 14 kilos down and only 8 to go.
Which leads me to the next resolution.
Two: Run/jog the Colour Run either in September or October. I know its five kilometres of stress upon the body for someone who cannot run more than 500 metres without wanting to die on the spot. But with some training and rewarding myself, you can achieve this.
Three: Stop doubting and actually start believing yourself, Scarlett! Considering you’re now in third year of nursing at University, you’d think you’d have realised this sooner rather than later. Yes, you have another 18 months to go after extending the study time for health reasons but you’re going to walk across the stage. With all your hair in tact and not wearing an orange jumpsuit, smiling.
Four: Continue working towards your GPA. You have gotten it up so far, well done. However Medicine School down the track requires a 5.5. You are almost there.
Five: Do something exciting and out there. Get another tattoo or in fact, get three. Chocolate vodka cake needs to continue in tradition and do something outrageous. Like this for instance:
Six: Continue on writing blogs. Remember, it is not about the amount of views that you get for each post but rather it is about connecting with the reader.
|Kiss my own Mr. Darcy.
Eight: This is your emergency blank… Just remember to write down what you use it for.
With that to my dearest Readers and most of all Scarlett, I wish you all the best for 2015.
May the year bring you and your family incredible amounts of good fortune, moments that rob you of your breath, wealth and good health. But most of all, may you continue to enjoy reading my blogs.
Until next time,