A Mother’s Right To Fight…

As someone who hasn’t had the grueling but joyful experience of delivering a child yet; I am pretty sure I am someone who understands the concept of how one might become pregnant.

Having said that though, I cannot begin to understand the length one might undertake as a parent when it comes to doing certain or rather particular things.


What I am talking about is the length any parent, whether pregnant or not, would go in regards to protecting their child’s life and in some cases, sacrificing their own in the duration.

Or as Arizona from Grey’s Anatomy would state in regards to the child/ren: ‘The Little People’.

I can assume as a person who experiences more mood swings of emotion than someone else and large understanding of how mankind works; I am positive most people reading this blog will be surprised.

As to the depth someone would go as they fought and continue to fight for the right of being acknowledged.  Not only as a person but also as a parent who knows when something isn’t right.

This correlates to the thought of: if your parent/s were told there was a possibility they could never conceive or carry a child to full term, if a miracle were to come their way; what do you think they would do?


Would they start off by defying the odds in favor of being against humanity and become pregnant at any given means.

Congratulations on your soon to be arrival…

When that little stick pronounces they are indeed pregnant and the initial thought of ‘holy shit!’ before the instinct of protecting you enters their mind.

Or would they decide they trusted their doctor as they were telling your parents the honest and absolute 100% truth.  Before deciding to forgo any heart ache and stop trying to pursue any cause of means.


I believe in most cases since you are sitting here right now, reading this, your parent/s did something.


This included defying the odds set out against them and protected you with all their might, strength and determination of success.


In my case as someone who has a large and extended family of people who have been adopted over the years; I know someone who has not only defied her odds.


She is known to put on her battle armor and stand face to face with Fate and tell it to piss off.


As a result, she has thrown caution to the wind and in some cases, has gone around cautiously as she walks her pathway of life, each step.


At the end of the day, I suspect when she lies in bed listening to snores and purring; she knows deep within her heart what she has gone through, done and seen has not only been within the best interests of both parties at heart.


But has also fulfilled her life as a woman, daughter and mother.


Being someone who has watched from the side-line over the years, I have seen the dedication and determination she has brought on a daily basis to not only defend her child but also her decisions.


This includes her child being recognized by medical staff, schools and teachers.


The one thing I have seen when times are down and it feels like both of them have taken 10 or 20 steps backwards, the amount of support and encouragement is phenomenal. 


But like most stories today, this one doesn’t start with ‘Once Upon A Time…’.


Rather Ms. Dreamboat’s story begins well before she was brought into the delivery room and with that, delivered a little warm body.


Once Upon A Time, there was a beautiful and kind woman who lived in America, destination still yet to be confirmed.


This beautiful, talented and kind woman received news one day that in 9 months, she would expect the stork to deliver a tiny, little miracle with 10 toes and 10 fingers.


However instead of having an easy-breezy pregnancy with no complications, like most women wish for, Ms. Dreamboat went into early labour and her little boy was delivered.


He would be beautiful and kind.


He would be in possession of a heart of gold and a level headed determination to fight against the odds of humanity as a premature newborn.

Ms. & Master Dreamboat.


When hearing of the special and early delivery, friends and family surrounded Ms. Dreamboat.


It was during this time, I sat back and started to reflect upon what had just happened within my own personal life and for once realized, what I had experienced was a small blimp on the radar.

I also found myself questioning what medical intervention could be undertaken to stop a child from being prematurely born and what was beneficial for both mother and child.


The answer would be: nothing could be really done to stop a child from being born prematurely, particularly if contractions had started.  


Because of questioning and seeking answers, this has had a serious impact upon my life both as a nursing student and woman. 


For several years I have been wanting to ask this question and I couldn’t help but wonder…. ‘when do mother’s stop fighting for their child?’.


As someone who has been blessed with two incredible women, who have fought and still do for their children on a daily basis; then the answer would be a no.  But at the same time, there are mothers’ who are willing to not protect their children so the answer is yes.


I believe that Ms. Dreamboat is one of these incredible women who would go to extreme lengths, short of bunging jumping.  Who would do anything to bring awareness and empowerment to those who are going through a similar thing.


This is why I asked Ms. Dreamboat, a phenomenal woman to sit down and pen her thoughts into a story.


A story which would later be published in my blog.


Where she would be able to tell her story of ups and downs, power and being empowered as a woman but also a mother.

I wanted her to be able to tell her story for others to consume, gather thoughts and feelings about what has been written and find inspiration from.


Because in a way when shit hits the fan and you feel like there is nothing worthy in your life; I believe she has beaten all of us in this regards.

For nothing can compare to what she has experienced.

I also wanted other parents who are facing similar things, to know just for a second it will make them stronger at the end of the day but to also know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.


I wanted Ms. Dreamboats story to be brought to light to make those aware, if your child isn’t able to suck properly or his/her weight is fluctuating, seek help and do not stop at one opinion.


I can promise you it is not because of their gender or the fact they are a full term or premature baby.


Also, I wanted to make parents of premature infants know: you are supported.


By the nursing and medical staff who know the ins and outs of premature bodies but also the support of your family and friends, who are willing to be burdened with your thoughts and worries.

Just so you know, Ms. Dreamboat has been in your same position and she is standing on the other side of the tunnel.

 

For this, I find Ms. Dreamboat not to be only my inspiration as to what and how women should act but also find her incredibly empowering.
 
Empowering because every minute of the day, Master Dreamboat is learning and discovering what the world is like outside of his four walls of shelter he calls home.
 
This in return allows Ms. Dreamboat to also be taught and discover what life with a child, particularly a child who some would horribly list as being ‘slow’, is like.

I find her an inspiration because she gets excited over something most parents would take for granted in the development and growth of their child.


Particularly in some cases as they do not experience what the journey and process it takes for something ‘simple’ to be undertaken by a small Urchin.


Especially after said Urchin was born premature.

The fact when something so amazing like redirecting the bus stop so it stops in front of their driveway rather down the block is a huge improvement for both of them.  So my question of ‘when do mother’s stop fighting for their child?’ was soon answered and this was the reply:

 
When I was pregnant with my son, I was very complacent about the whole process. Get pregnant, bake the bun, give birth, take home baby, and raise him. And then fate or God dealt me a blow — my son was born 12 weeks and 1 day early. He was two thirds cooked.
He struggled for life after us both nearly dying. 

As he lay in the NICU, I became a mother, in the true sense of the world. 

Thank goodness he sailed fine those first few weeks, because I was too overwhelmed to do much.  But one day, we hit a bump in the road.  

I had realized something was wrong. 

It was a silly little thing – that he couldn’t eat as he was supposed to – and we could not go home from the unit until he could. I met with the doctor and he proposed a feeding tube. I reacted strongly – no tube.
The doctor said it was because he was a boy. 

No, I won’t accept limitations on sex alone. 

The doctor tried to put me off – and did – for six days. I got madder and madder, getting no answers as the doctor concentrated on other babies and not my own, at any time. I called the head unit and supervising doctors – could they get his doctor to really look at him and give me something other than “he’s a boy”? And on a Friday night, I was vindicated. 

He understood. He saw him. He diagnosed a simple little problem, with an easy fix. Without me pushing to get him seen, I’m not sure he would have. 
From that experience, I learned to be the Mama Bear. I would have been a mediocre mother to a child born on time. But I find I’m pretty darned good as a mom of a child with special needs. So the empowering, it’s this voice from within me that cries to be the voice for those with none.  It’s what makes me fight hard for what is right. 
Last Friday, I had a meeting with Master Dreamboat’s team to discuss his educational plan. Two therapists, two teachers, a specialist, and the principal sat at a table with me and heard me, my concerns. 
It was going fine until the principal made the deadly mistake of giving voice to an anti-disability attitude he has. 
I blessed him out. Totally.  As these people sat around the table with me ripping the principal a new one, it was based on the idea that you can’t cure what makes my child different with punishment …. so until the adults get their act together, don’t hold the child to expectations.  I was so pissed (still am) … and I saw why people think I’m pretty good at this mothering thing. Because I will fight for my child. I will fight for him.
And without him being born so incredibly early and NEEDING a strong mother so badly, I’m not sure I would have been all that great. But I am. I do this gig pretty well, I think.
So empowerment, for me, comes in necessity.

If I need to be strong and forceful, I can do that. I can rage. I can help others see things right. 
As long as you have the bones to it all, you’ll develop the power in yourself, the confidence. I’m not sure if this makes sense, but it’s about finding your voice. 

For me, my voice is for the voiceless. And I find my voice carries awfully well. Smile emoticon.


For someone who isn’t easily swept off her feet, Ms. Dreamboat certainly knocked me for a six and swept me off my feet.

Finally Ms. Dreamboat, you continue to sweep me off my feet and fill my life with so much joy, power and knowledge that anything can be done with determination and a mind set on the overall outcome/goal.


I am thankful on a daily basis you were brought into my life, along with Master Dreamboat and may the Gods be in both your favor.

Ms. Dreamboat, I find you so inspiring and empowering that words cannot simply put all of my emotions into sentences.

Rather as the saying goes: A picture can paint a 1000 words and here is my picture…



Until next time,


Cheers xo





 

Note: All photos have been sourced with permission from Ms. Dreamboat

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