The Secret Diary of Scarlett

23rd & 26th February 2016.

It’s been a while since I’ve sat down and penned an actual letter in my diary. Something I used to do on a nightly basis as a teenager as I sat at my desk, penning thoughts, stories and who my secret crush was. This happened until reality and growing up seemed to come knocking on my door and I found myself no longer having time to sit down and write.

Until today.

For it seems that I need to take a few moments out of my busy day to logically think about the past month. Particularly about the experiences I’ve either undertaken or experienced and to analyse the health outcomes that to be honest; have made me sit here countless times going, “why me?”

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Like Carrie in an episode of ‘loneliness leads you to a computer and cosmos’; I sat down at Lois’ desk in the early hours of the morning. Knowing I had to write something for Valentine’s Day and after rewriting the same crap over again,  I couldn’t think of anything that seemed witty and upbeat. Not mentioning something that didn’t scream ‘Spinster Scarlett’.

After putting it off for a couple of days, I found myself once again sitting at Lois’ desk and instead of writing, I found myself bursting into tears. The thought of spending yet another D-Day alone with Bridget Jones and my friends Ben & Jerry, I spooned another mouthful of creamy substance when the realisation hit me.

It wasn’t the fact I was spending D-Day alone with a pint of ice cream. Instead, the realisation was of me discovering I’m at a certain point in life; where I’m borderline giving up in the belief of true love and finding ‘The One‘.

Glancing down at the tub of ice cream and wondering if they had sprinkled it with cocaine, I started writing about how I’m ready to step out and find someone when sh*t hits the fan. In the sense of finding psychopathic stalkers, who want to change me as a person or I get asked, “would you consider losing an extra couple of pounds?”

If I wasn’t the mature aged woman I am today and resembled who I was at 22, I’d have turned around and asked in return, “would you consider a micro penis for your mouth?” Who am I kidding, I would still say that as a pissed off twenty something year old.

I wrote about how half of me is ready to settle into a non-lesbian relationship with LBS and our mutually shared 82 cats. While the other half is still going by the name of Charlotte York as this side still believes in finding true love, Mr. Darcy and sunflowers. In a way, I feel like I’m being punished and thus have to compromise on certain things as I’d decided to forgo having a relationship to get a degree and to become better educated.

I guess in this case, this is what being a single woman and an adult is all about. It’s a pity that adulthood doesn’t come with a ‘Relationship Manual For Spinsters’ but than I suspect, that’s why single gals pay for escorts when they need to feel like they’re loved.

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Completing that particular week of utter misery, I am not one shy about getting things sliced and diced off my body. After promising to take better care of myself and try to limit the amount of hospitals visits one can have as a patient in my NY Resolutions, I took some formative action.

After complaining to my doctor about a few issues that didn’t seem normal (what is normal in my case?), I found myself in a situation as I laid staring at a black screen featuring my uterus and not so blind date anymore. It was in that moment, my heart came to a slow and sudden stop before inhaling sharply.

“It appears that you have a cyst in your right ovary that looks large in diameter”.

Hearing those words being repeated in my head seemed to make me split into two different people.  The psychotic patient side went, “OH MY GOD! I can’t have kids.  Barren Scarlett is going to be my name and my job is going to be the spinster who lives with 82 cats and a Lawyer Bitch”. While Cristina Yang was cool, calm and collected as she listed there would be further tests done, examinations, blood cultures taken and consultations with an OBGYN/surgical team.

Least to say, I cannot wait for the date of surgery is booked before I can state to my operating team, “Somebody sedate me so you can remove Dirty Harry. The Dirty Bastard”.

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Least to say on a much more brighter and positive note, at least I don’t have cancer!

As for the experiences I’ve come to know after my recent stint in hospital (first one of the year) has taught me to be more sympathetic towards patients. I can now understand what they could be feeling after being administered Endone, a delightful analgesic that can make you feel great and spaced out before promptly vomiting into a doggy bag.

However with periods of complete downers that make you wonder if there is anything positive in life, February finally delivered a few moments of pure sunshine and happiness. There were two moments that seemed to stick out this month. One of these just so happened to be the extra bonding time LBS and I had with our relationship.

Although I do not speak of LBS past the context of her being a Lawyer B*tch and fellow spinster, February has shown and allowed me past the exterior most others are greeted with. Not only has LBS been there with Introduction to Cyst 101 For Beginners.  But in return, I was there when she received some disheartening news.

I can honestly say, without the support of LBS throughout this month and quite possibly my life within the last 9+ years, I wouldn’t know what to do in some circumstances.

The second moment that comes to mind is or rather was, my twenty something year old birthday. I know once upon a time I used to write my actual age (something I’ve deleted from all of my previous posts) but as of late, I like the fact its something personal. For I pretty much share most of my life with you in writing. So having that little something is not only relaxing but sweet at the same time.

I believe my birthday weekend seems to stick out the most as it was an opportunity for me to not only wind down properly after spending Christmas break looking after patients, while on placement. But it was also a collegemoon as the next 340+ days are going to be spent with my head down and backside up as I set about getting ready for graduation. Having said that, it was a pleasurable time away from life as Scarlett and I got to experience many things outside of my comfort zone.

Like for instance, climbing 30+ stairs with Dirty Harry making the journey unbearable and when turning around, the view from the hill was absolutely breath taking. And for that, I couldn’t resist taking a photo of the site and posting it in my post about my birthday. If you want to discover many other sites explored and how I discovered Louisianan hot wings with a creamy delicious blue cheese sauce, you can click here.

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Post birthday weekend celebrations and coming back down to earth, reality seems to be a b*tch. Literally after reading this, you’ll say in more cases than one.

Reality seemed to come knocking on my door Tuesday when I glanced at the calendar, before losing a couple of days due to being high on Endone and pain relief for Dirty Harry; and realised I start college in a couple of days.

Come this weekend, it is officially my last weekend as a single and free agent and full time writer for Scarlett O’Chunky. Come Monday, I am a full time concealer wearer, coffee drinker (I refuse to give up my beverages for Dirty Harry’s sake) and part time writer. While I’m excited to write about my adventures and lessons, I am both thrilled and terrified at the same time.

I’m excited because this is my final year of study for my Nursing degree and I’m literally 300+ days away from graduation and being all ‘Harry Potter’ mode. But as much as I’m excited about the outcome of hard work, sheer stress and countless tears; I’m terrified about the prospect of not having a graduate position at the end of the year. As a result, it’s starting to make me ponder as to whether or not, I am ready for the big wide world of nursing and where I want to go.

Now before I get overwhelmed and highly anxious as I am counting my eggs before they’ve hatched; I’m going to use this time to think about a couple of things. They include:

  • Which field of experience do I want for post graduate year?
  • Do I want to reside in Queensland or spread my wings and fly?
  • Does Sydney or Perth sound like interesting places to learn, eat amazing dishes and write about?
  • Can I pick up my GPA?

With the thought of not knowing my outcomes for life and mass egg counting, I’ve decided to use my time wisely and help those out who are going to face similar situations like mine.

Having decided to go back to my original roots when I first started writing and blogging, I’ve written a series of Back To School: College Edition guide.  This guide has been structured for those, who are about to start their first year of college and have no idea what is to be expected. Both for themselves and their college of choice.

Not knowing what I wanted both from myself and from college, I’ve written them in such a way that these contain all of the information I wish someone had told me when I was first accepted. These posts are done in a way so it allows the Dearest Reader to take pieces of information and structure it to their own specific needs. At the end of the day, I love back to school writing as it gives me a chance to become excited about college but also, I love helping other people out.

Especially when it comes to something I have experience with and it can help ease them into their first year as college students. With that, it is time for me to end this post but not before I give you some parting words of advice.

  • You can and will pass Pharmacology with a 6.
  • Sheila has a god complex and will die of COPD. You on the other hand, are going to remember her for all the wrongs reasons and will strive to not be like her with students.
  • When things get stressful or you want to cry: take a step back from what you are doing, put on Miley’s ‘Wrecking Ball’ and hum the lyrics.
  • The answer to your destination will come to you when you least expect it.
  • You have shown you’re capable of doing this. Trust yourself, you’re a professional!

Much love and luck (even though you appear like you really do need it),

S x

 

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