Lesbian Dates, Micro Penises & Frappilicious Frappes: Brunch at Kuta Cafe, Mt. Coot-tha

One of the many things you don’t know about me is I am a sucker for anything to do with the ambiance of High Tea, lady lunches with one or many of my female friends or having a chat over coffee with Lady Blacksnot III. 

So when Lady Blacksnot III and I found ourselves one Sunday morning staring at Mama C’s pristine white kitchen cupboards, we decided to put on our prettiest summer dress, big girl panties and walking shoes fit for no exercise (or so I’d thought). With a spritz of purfume and laughter, we entered our destination into LBS’ GPS.

Arriving at Mount Coot-tha after listening to Madge, our GPS go-to girl give us directions, we opted for something to eat as both of us were a tad peckish than playing tourists. Also it was an excuse to see if there were any eligible bachelors waiting in the glorious sunshine.

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Grabbing a couple of menus to peruse over, we found ourselves heading out of the packed inner dining room and onto the even more packed alfresco dining area. Thus began the battle for finding a table that had two seats and if it had some slight cover for LBS’ fair skin, it would be a double bonus.

Finally spotting one that was located near a family and after being told no one else was coming, we snagged the table that had two seats, some cover for Lady Blacksnot and a non-wonky table. #Winning.

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With curiosity filling my blood stream as an incredibly masculine gentleman appeared in front of me, all that was missing was a platter and lettuce leaves; I watched as the waiters and waitresses ran back and forth between their tables and serving station.

Under the context I was having difficulty reading my menu due to the glare of non-existant sun, I watched him through my eyelashes as he settled down at the table opposite LBS and I.  As Mr. Man Candy got himself comfortable and I went about popping him onto a silver platter while being handcuffed in my dreams; I managed to get my blood pressure under control when LBS announced her decision.

Just like that, I was up and off to order brunch for the both of us.

Having waited in line, I finally found myself weaving through tables before collapsing in my seat. Only to which Lady Blacksnot paused from reading something saucy on her phone to glance up, raised an eyebrow and asked ever so casually, “what took so long and why are you flustered?”

I began relaying the story of how I came to be sexually felt up by a small child under the age of 9, only to watch with a raised brow as Lady Blacksnot III laughed uncontrollably at my expense. Not daring to comment further as I was still coming to terms with the smooth moves of a child that most men should learn from, I sneaked another glance at Mr. Man Candy.

While reading about her latest and most newest addition to victims, brunch appeared on the extended arm of a gorgeous looking male specimen thus caused Lady Blacksnot III to casually look up. Waiting for the ‘holy smokes’ comment any normal woman and gay man would make while checking out the show stopping merchandise packed into tight black pants, LBS was more interested in her pan seared salmon fillet with a side of pesto pasta with pine nuts and capers.

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Guaranteed her waiter was DDG (drop dead gorgeous) alongside her salmon, it was her lychee and guava frappalicious frappe (not photographed) that had me wanting to escape the midday sun and dive into her glass of succulent yellow-ness. Not to mention, the smell was beyond mind boggling tempting.

As I pulled myself away from temptation of wanting to take multitude photos of LBS’ salmon fillet from all angles one could think of, I noticed an equally gorgeous looking woman heading towards me with a plate of deliciousness. As I contemplated my sexual orientation, I thanked her with a slow grin and took the plate from her.

Settling it next to my cappuccino and taking a moment to appreciate the artwork of both. Since we all know by now I can’t won’t start off the day without some form or shape of caffeine, I watched in fascination as tendrils of steam delicately floated above my cup before disappearing without a trace.

Finally turning my gaze towards the massive blob of sour cream, I watched it slowly melt away in the midday sun before blending with the creamiest of avocado and red onion guacamole. Only then to come to its resting place in a white cloud on my corn chips.

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It is safe to say when I took a gluten free corn chip from my vegetarian & gluten free nachos with sour cream, guacamole and sour cream and shoved it into my mouth, I promptly died and went to heaven. 

Between the crisp freshness of the guac that gave way to the crunchiness of the corn chips before mellowing out with the sour cream and cheese; it had me reaching for another chip and smothering it with goodness.

As I battled between moaning loudly as the flavours burst on my tongue or staring at Mr. Man Candy on the pretext of ‘trying to see the epic view’, our dear friend Maggie decided to drop by and pop in for a visit.

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Unfortunately she had to fly as she had an important bikini wax to get before her date.

After Maggie’s departure and Mr. Man Candy’s wife turned up with children and parent-in-law’s in tow, much to my disappointment. LBS thought it would be nice to capture a couple of moments. Much to the amusement of the people behind us who, like everyone we seem to come across when out and about with one another, thought we were on a date.

Clearly this family hadn’t heard Lady Blacksnot III ask me as she delicately went about cutting a slither of her salmon and heaping it with her salad, “Have you ever seen or encountered a micro penis?”.

If I hadn’t known LBS any better than the back of my hand, I’m guessing my reaction would have been dropping my plain, empty chip in a state of shock and my mouth promptly hitting the deck. However, I continued on with slathering my chip in gauc and sour cream as I wondered about my many lovers and their family jewels.

“Non, I have never encountered a micro penis but as for having seen one, that’s a totally different story.”

“I think we should toast to that,” LBS suggested while raising her glass. “To big cocks and to women preferring to be on top of one.”

With a click to our glass and mug, I thought about my luck with the family jewels and for not having to resort back to the training mode of keeping a blank face at what lies before me. Whilst pondering about each lover who has taught me many lessons, I didn’t notice LBS reaching over to grab my phone until I glanced up and spotted her in action.

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As we sat there in the midday sun while I perfected the glow to my olive skin as a beautiful blush tint warmed up LBS’ pale English skin, my caffeine hit and thoughts on cocks came to an end. Lingering for a few moments as our stomaches adjusted to being full as I popped old memories back where they belonged, I thought about the weekend I’d just shared with Lady Blacksnot III.

Realising with a small chuckle that life really did work in mysterious ways, old school frenemies could and never will see beyond the past while sex, cocks and vodka really did live in Lady Blacksnot III and I’s blood.

With a final glance at Mr. Man Candy and his lucky wife, Lady Blacksnot III and I left Kuta Cafe with the hint of destiny and a new destination for an adventure waiting just around the corner.

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If you want to relax with a coffee with a beautiful view of Brisbane and surrounding area, than Kuta Cafe is the place to go.

The only downside is Kuta Cafe can become pretty busy and compacted with tourists as there is a famous Brisbane look out near the cafe. So finding a table can be difficult and very far and few as Kuta doesn’t take bookings for tables, unfortunately.  On the bright side, it’s simply a magical place to visit and soak in the atmosphere as it will win you extra brownie points if you pay for dinner on the date, proposal and anniversary at dusk/night.

You can find Kuta Cafe, Mt. Coot-tha at 1012 Sir Samuel Griffith Drive QLD 4066.

Until next time,

~S xo

4 thoughts on “Lesbian Dates, Micro Penises & Frappilicious Frappes: Brunch at Kuta Cafe, Mt. Coot-tha

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