Started From The Bottom isn’t just a song produced from the Nothing Was The Same album by Drake and as we all have to come to know over the years, a particular album I often play when things aren’t making sense within my life at the time. Instead, from today and today on out, started from the bottom is going to be the motto that shall no doubt be repeated on a daily basis to remind myself where I have come from, where I’ve been and where I plan on heading.
Regarding where I have come from, I discovered Drake and this particular song by accident one morning while slapping on a few pounds of make up to hide one’s insecurities and creeping weight gain. As I listened to a male rap about starting from the bottom, how his ‘whole team’ was here alongside him and why he had to wear every single gold chain even when he’s in the house; I proceeded to spend the next 72 hours listening to the album to gain a sense of what it was about and where it was coming from.
After falling in love with a few of the songs such as Pound Cake and Hold On, We’re Going Home, I quickly came to understand why I thought this album was influencing although I wasn’t quite a fan of the explicit swearing but than, I did a lot of swearing once upon a time in this blog and was being a hyprocrite in that regard.
Fast forward a couple of years down the track of discovering the essence of what lies behind the albums produced by Drake and purchased by those who either like his music, find a powerful meaning behind each word rapped, crooned or sung or those who just simply want to appear ‘cool’. Like many of moments over the past few weeks as I find myself spending more time in traffic, encouraging people to merge or reminding them that they do have an indicator, I was stuck in traffic this particular day when Started From The Bottom started playing.
Having spent countless weeks thinking within a positive frame of mind about the life I could lead as a graduate within a position at a fantastic hospital within the two areas of specialities interests, I thought about the joy, uncertainity and lingering thoughts of ‘what if’ I had essentially been sprouting on a daily basis. In my case, I watched the students of my group placement accept positions, listen to their dreams being created and already beginning to be moulded and perfected for the world of nursing as I secretly hoped and prayed I would get that phone call myself.
On Thursday, I received news via email regarding the graduate position I had flown to North Queensland to be interviewed for. Unlike the blog idea of introducing the thought to relocating to another destination and setting about exploring the area together as I formulate new friendships, I discovered Thursday morning that I had not been given a graduate nursing placement for 2017.
Like many students who have previously been, are currently in and will be in my shoes, it can be stated I was beyond heartbroken and devastated as this hospital was the only hospital to contact me out of my preferences.
So as I slowly lowered my body onto a chair in the middle of the change room on my placement ward, I grasped the edge of the seat and slowly reread the email once again as I wasn’t 100% sure I was reading it correctly. With tears trickling down my face and the reality of everything I had been dreaming off had come to an end for the mean time, I typed in the number and promptly burst into tears when a sleepy voice answered, “Hello?”
Listening to the sheer grievance and distraught over the phone while imaging my body shaking with sobs, Lois listened and gave the wordly advice of how I wasn’t a complete failure for not gaining employment when leaving college alongside many others. I was told of how I had done everything possible to be interviewed for an amazing opportunity, I was willing to relocate to a new area that I had never been to or previously lived in and in return, got to meet a beautiful woman who was given the dream of working in her speciality.
Now as I write this and slowly come to terms with how I won’t be possibly celebrating New Years with a job as a gradate nurse after four years of hard work whilst packing my things into a trillion boxes and informing a certain Law Officer that our friendship can still make it, I have decided that I shan’t give up on my dream because like many of my fellow people out there who are experiencing and facing the same shooting squad, I will simply have to work my way from the bottom.
As Drake said, “I started from the bottom.”
To students who stumble across my words today and in the future, who are disappointed or deeply saddened and feel like complete wankers, I have some advice for you:
I know it is killing us right now and we feel like complete and utter failures. Although our Mum’s/Dad’s tell us otherwise as they brush back our hair as they too secretly wonder where something went wrong, we have made it to the end of our degree. Also, we were lucky and fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to apply, be interviewed and have the sheer nervous waiting time as we discovered we weren’t lucky this time.
There is always mid-year intake next year (if you live in Australia) and if we can sit back here in five years time as we look back on our lives and still have the passion for our specialities, try applying for a job in that area. By then, we would have gained employment, the ins and outs of the nursing pyramid of rank and know who not to piss off and hopefully, would have picked up the fundamental essentials to what nursing is all about: pain managment, understanding of the patho of diseases and how it affects the human body and better time management. Except in our case, it is going to take a little bit longer to get from where we are at this present point of time to leading a pack of troops onto the ward floor and taking no hostages home.
If we have managed to overcome many obstacles, assignments, tutors from hell, group projects that make us hate humanity that fraction more and still, we find the strength to rise each more with a sense of purpose than we can do anything we set our minds to. Although we had the dream of starting the year of fresh with the idea of achieving the goals we have spent years thinking about and striving towards, rejection is hard and will always continue to be hard as it makes us more determined with each step taken.
Just remember to congratulate our friends on their first day of work as they sport their new id and uniform while slaving away in a closed in building without becoming bitter, jealous, twisted or crying into a hysterical ball. As my facilitator told me when I started prac this month, “I don’t do emotions because they make people stare”. So as they learn about the ins and outs of what its like to be a graduate, we can spend a few extra moments in the fresh air with a steaming cup of coffee as we surf the net for availabilities or we can surf that wave we’ve been eyeing all week, a little longer.
At the end of the day, we need and have to keep positive of what we want in life and where we see ourselves going because our goal will come. It may not be today, tomorrow or in a week’s time but with a little more blood, sweat, tears and a shit load of vodka, we can do it and besides, I believe in us!
Seriously, we have managed to survive three or four years of college so what is another day?
From the emotionally supportive, heartbroken and already searching another degree,