When I was a little girl, I was asked what kind of job I wanted to have when I was an ‘adult’. Like it was only asked yesterday instead of nearly 20 years ago, I remember staring at this person and just like that, my brain started formulating plans, dreams and wishes. I knew that the job I was destined to work would be fulfilling in the aspect of life and growth while being holding onto that thrill within any given situation.
This job had to allow me to develop and expand the knowledge I knew I would already possess, encourage and tenderly care for the development of self-growth and perseveration of who I would be as a person. Something I can assure you, no child at my age would have taken a serious moment to consider nor ponder about.
Even though I was unsure as to what my dream job would eventually pan out to be, I still had the childhood dreams of becoming a teacher, famous actress, world known and popular chef that may have been based on Jamie Oliver and Nigella Lawson –my go-to gods of the kitchen- and I’d settle down and become a mother by the time I was 26.
What I didn’t know or possibly could have predicted was that in the future, I would quite happily turn my back on the idea of living my childhood fantasies for a life of drama that is splashed with more personal growth and knowledge than my brain can possibly handle. All the while, wearing ugly black leather shoes, a polo shirt that likes to express my opinion too much and a purple stethoscope.
My childhood thoughts and dreams of becoming someone’s wife, +1 and a mother to a swarm of gorgeous smelling and well behaved children would become a distant memory. Instead, I opted to replace the title of Mrs for Registered Nurse at the beginning or end of my name and as a result, I have opted to postpone becoming a wife and mother for something I consider to be more rewarding at this present point of time.
Something which I will not apologise for writing, saying or thinking as I don’t believe in beating around the bush or dodging those famous questions of: “Why haven’t you settled down and found yourself a decent boyfriend or husband and you must be considering having children in the next 3 years right?”
The answer to those questions that seem to be commonly asked by family members, who don’t remember my name, date of birth or know who I am the spawn of –awkward introductions post picking up of your own niece at a wedding- is: I am still searching for Mr. Darcy, as he is currently stuck in Timbuktu as he and I cannot clearly read maps. As to children, when I decide my vagina needs to be fondled by a midwife or doctor before pushing another human into the world is when it shall happen.
To those who think women are purely here for cooking and breeding reasons than I have some news for you: Yes, I am incredibly selfish for making the best decision in my life.
That decision of becoming a better educated woman in a field that encourages people to leave behind their worries, stresses and essentially become someone who can ultimately save, rescue or destroy someone else’s life; is and I quote, “the best decision I have made to date”. Unlike other women and girls who do not live in a developed or developing country, I consider myself to be incredibly lucky because I have the opportunity to attend college/university, sit exams or write assessments and unlike these women and girls who are forced to have children against their will, I get to make the ultimate decision of when I want to have children.
Besides, not everyone wishes to be a laughing stock of the town at 15 because you’re pregnant or matter fact, in their early twenties. Just like me, they have dreams and goals they wish to achieve before that aspect of their life takes over and instead of berating them for this belief, why don’t you encourage them to strive for the best.
If you haven’t discovered by now, it is quite easy to tear someone down from their high with your negative and judgmental beliefs. These negative and judgmental beliefs should have been left at the door or behind in the era’s of where women didn’t have a job, men were considered Gods and children should be seen and not heard. They are not welcomed by myself and those who walk beside me and it only makes us more determined to show you how competent and awesome we are.
In case you haven’t noticed or wish to notice because of your beliefs, both you and I live in a time where homosexuality, equality to gay marriage, the right for anyone to adopt, equal pay for women, paid paternity and maternity and so many other significant moments that impact heavily on our society are still considered taboo. So instead of wasting your breath to belittle someone else’s ideas or dreams, maybe you should consider turning that negative air into a positive by encouraging them or bringing up a topic that would allow for a great debate such as these topics:
- Define what homosexuality is and why isn’t the LGBT community allowed equal rights as you and me?
- Why are you against equal rights and pay for women?
- How should we as a society, encourage women and those ignored by our politicians to have their voices heard?
- Should paternity and maternity leave be automatically given to an expecting couple, no matter what their job or position is?
- Where do you see the health sector going in the next 10 years?
- How can we provide better sexual education to any person between the ages of 7-98?
-Because even elderly people still have sexual relationships with others who may not be their husband/wife especially after having lost their loved one-
- What are the main concerns for a teenage female from a lower socioeconomic, who is expecting a child and how can we help her?
- As a person, what are some things that I can implement into my life to make me a better person?
My overall point is this:
There are so many other topics, questions and debates that need to be raised, asked or made valid for those who don’t have a voice or are simply ignored because of the sex they chose to be recognised by, who they love and whether or not they are defined as being homosexual. What I do with my life and the fact I don’t have children as a happy twenty something year old woman is neither your concern or your right to question.
So yes, I am selfish and I am proud of that.
Until next time,