Late last year, I wrote a post that was informative on the many decisions I’ve made over the last few years, both for myself and you as well. In this post, it addressed and answered the many questions I’ve received and were asking as to why I was single.
It can be stated from the horse’s mouth that when I first started writing as a blogger, I never intentionally wanted to publicly address my status of any kind. Whether I was in a relationship, happily single or enjoying my very select and small amount of people who have been first and foremost friends before eventually sliding into the territory of friends with a side serving of sex.
However like many moments that have made my eyebrows rise above normal height, I’ve experienced those countless teeth gritting moments of frustration and juggling the delicate act of rejection while trying to dodge the land mines of single and eligible bachelors, who’ve recently surfaced after a lengthy time in prison otherwise known as a lengthy stint in the relationship status department. As a result of these experiences and self discovery as to why some guys aren’t meant to be in relationships or even breathing, I found myself one early morning writing a post that was simply a spur of the moment piece.
Something that when now looking back upon, I can honestly say I think it was one of my better pieces for 2016. As it answered a shed load of questions while subsequently putting those not-so-secret lesbian questions to the grave. Instead, it only reinforced my need for some sort of normalcy and privacy, considering I spent a duration of my younger years as a blogger, writing about my relationship status, impending and outgoing dating dramas and the rather public ending of my relationship.
I also think somewhere between openly admitting to pulling apart my relationships and dissecting them with a scalpel and fine tooth comb while questioning if I’d hit rock bottom with Psycho Pants, the elusive chameleon of somewhat psychopathic nice guys. I wrote about the importance of discovering self-worth and how it allows for you to gain an understanding of why it is important to concentrate on your own needs, wants and desires instead of purely focusing 100% of your undivided attention onto someone else’s needs.
As a result of writing this post, I discovered answers to questions that I had never voiced or thought of beforehand while recognising the importance of the incredible Life Lessons that I had been blessed with, never acknowledged or realised they had occurred until that exact moment. It was in this period time of self-reflection and analysing my life of where I went wrong and right, I realised that the relationships and skeletons I hadn’t buried just yet would create a better relationship foundation with the lost-in-transit, Mr. Darcy with brown shoes.
In return, I was actively encouraged by my curiosity and desire to know where I had become a stronger and more courageous woman instead of being the wallflower I once was; I began noticing moments of where I had flourished, preserved in times of weakness and great strength and could actually acknowledge how fitting and incredibly empowering it is to be your own woman.
However prior to fully accepting what it felt like being an independent woman who is comfortable with her own sexuality and isn’t afraid to correct a guy in the bedroom, the slow and steady progress towards self empowerment and ‘being your own woman’ was originally established circa 2015. It saw the rise of a post that I had written on the effects of living or experiencing an abusive relationship can have on you both mentally, physically and sexually and how sometimes, you can’t pick the danger signs because they are hidden so cleverly.
This dating experience with Psycho Pants, allowed for men and women around the world to unite together as a collective and share their stories of how they escaped from their own abusive relationship or stopped and reported someone else’s relationship. In return of having voiced my opinion and thoughts for the whole world to read and formulate thoughts on because to me, it was a way of trying to understand if I had willingly ignored the warning signs or they had been completely hidden, my safety became in jeopardy when the person in question, turned up to my college of attendance and tried to inform that what I’d had written, had been politically incorrect and I made him out to be the bad guy in return.
What he didn’t seem nor could possibly understand was that it was a blimp in my writing process but it was a massive tsunami that flooded the internet for it encouraged people to openly speak of their abuse or being the abuser. This conversation and actions of that particular person was one of the final pieces of the puzzle to fall into place and it confirmed to me, why I needed to walk away from the thought of dating and take some time for myself.
It would be a few weeks later as I lent against a wooden door whilst holding onto a warm mug in my hands, watching an important person walk away for an unknown duration of time, that I was going to quit the dating industry. Having closed the door against the image of a black ute driving off down the road and the early winter morning chill, I didn’t know how long the self-imposed dating ban that would see me actively seek and join the spinsterhood club.
But it also made me secretly question as to whether or not, I had fallen out of love with the idea of being someone’s co-investor and partner and more importantly, what love meant to me as a person and woman.
As this thought lingered in the back of my head for the rest of 2015 and with the foreclosing of 2016, I slowly closed the chapter of self-imposed spinsterhood and an era of my life that was no longer important. With this closing, I began introducing the thought of stepping out of my comfort zone and rejoining the dating industry as it meant that I would have to overcome another hurdle of having to physically and emotionally put myself out there on-line.
Something I must admit, absolutely frightens me because I wouldn’t be stepping out under a facade, character or with my original mask of survival over my face. But rather, for the first time in my dating history, I would be stepping out my front door as myself and as a result, would be subjected to vulnerability and feeling as if I were naked. Dearest Reader, I guess this is the moment that we have been waiting for.
On January 1st 2017, I am single female who is an active participant in the dating industry.
As a result of actively writing about my desire to be loved in return of loving someone else with a penis –here’s hoping– and openly admitting to having felt lonely for the past year or so, I’ve become vocal about my dating wishes and tendencies of opening up the idea of going on blind dates and sparking up conversations with the opposite sex, much to the horror and amusement of Lady Blacksnot III and my mother, Lois.
However with this decision, comes a few rules that I am going to implement and they are:
- Unless I’ve settled into a serious relationship or have become engaged, I will not mention if I am dating someone.
- I will continue speaking as if I am single unless otherwise stated or announced.
- Any Dates that hold value and important messages shall be written about, however names and identity shall be changed as always.
- Continue looking for Mr. Darcy or Colin Firth, whoever comes first.
With these few rules in mind Dearest Reader, wish me luck as I step out to discover if the dating scene has changed that much since I was last here, two years ago.
Until next time,