Never Have I Ever…

As, Salt N Pepa sing about the attributes of their Man, I thought I would sit down and write a few lines on some thoughts that came to mind a couple of nights. Some, in particular, had me either quietly chuckling in delightful remembrance or skin tingling as entangled arms and legs created a gorgeous picture of deep breathing, lustful sighs and passionate sensual bliss.

These thoughts also had me shaking my head as I ventured down the path of memories and wondering ‘if only‘ had occurred instead of reality. So with that in mind, I decided to create a blog post based on the game, ‘Never Ever Have You Ever?’

Normally this game is played with a set of questions, ranging from the sedate ‘Have you ever eaten stale biscuits’ leading to ‘have you looked at a horses’s dick and wondered?‘ Even more so after a few bottles of alcohol as you’d find yourself answering these questions and many more coming your way, with loose lips and no worries or thoughts of the consequences.

However today, I decided I am willing to share some ‘Never Have I Ever’ without the aid of several Martinis or Coronas. Miss Scarlett chose the questions for me to answer. So throw yourself into a comfortable chair and grab your favourite brew of preference and  we will play our version of “Never Have I Ever.”

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  1. Never have I ever been scared of spiders:  I am petrified of spiders, big and small.
  2. Never have I ever failed in any exam: Failed so badly, I had to repeat the year again 
  3. Never have I ever been detained in a class. I spent 6 weeks in detention for telling the teacher she should go back and study because she had no idea what she was talking about.
  4. Never have I ever faked a relationship with someone just to make some other person jealous:  I was 16, madly in lust with a guy called Anthony and I pretended I was with another guy to make him notice me. 
  5. Never have I ever had sex on the first date:  It was delicious and I went back for seconds.
  6. Never have I ever made out in a bathroom: It is so erotic to look at yourself in the mirror as you are being taken from behind or thrown onto the vanity, legs placed over his shoulders and eagerly thrusted.
  7. Never have I ever had a threesome:  With men and women, many times. Different combinations.
  8. Never have I ever slept in a bed with the opposite sex: Where else do you go for seconds otherwise?
  9. Never have I ever lost my virginity in a place other than the bedroom: See question 14 for your answer. 
  10. Never have I ever called someone the wrong name while doing it: No, but my partner at the time did.
  11. Never have I ever done it on a kitchen counter: The kitchen has other uses than just cooking!  Just make sure the kids are occupied first!
  12. Never have I ever got/given a blowjob: Oh please, his cock is just so fine, how can I not? 
  13. Never have I ever used lube: Does Honey or Yogurt count?
  14. Never have I ever fooled around in my sibling’s bed: I lost my virginity on my brother’s bed while he was away on his honeymoon, he gave me the key to his house so I could have some fun, away from my parents eyes and ears. 
  15. Never have I ever licked food off someone during sex: Received and Delivered – alot
  16. Never have I ever woken up to someone giving me head: Amazing way to greet the day!
  17. Never have I ever had sex while at a party: Heaps of times, best one was in the front yard, up against my car in time to the song playing. 
  18. Never have I ever kissed someone of the same sex: Heaps of times, first time I was 13. 
  19. Never have I ever given a two way b.j: Scarlett blushed when I said Yes.
  20. Never have I ever fooled around with two or more people at the same time: Threesomes and foursomes
  21. Never have I ever given/gotten a bj while driving: As a newly wed, I decided to help him out while driving. He nearly crashed the car.  
  22. Never have I ever had sex at school: No.
  23. Never have I ever had sex in the forest: Fuck yeah, it was going great until he told me that a snake was close to us. 
  24. Never have I ever had sex in a tent: Scarlett just told me to say this: YES LOTS, the KIDS HEARD YOU!
  25. Never have I ever had sex on a picnic bench: Lots. One of our favourite hook ups was at the park during our lunch breaks from work.  Afternoon delight!
  26. Never have I ever been to a strip club: One and only time I have been to a strip club, was at Kings Cross in Sydney. I got thrown out. I told the stripper she was pathetic and was drunk enough to get up and show her how it was done! 
  27. Never have I ever had sex with someone I wasn’t attracted to because I wanted to get laid that badly:  His name was Graham.  It was an after work party. It was boring as shit and I got thoroughly hammered.  I completely did not remember him or what we got up too,  until he turned up at my house the next day and told my parents!
  28. Never have I ever played while taking a shower: Of course, who hasn’t?
  29. Never have I ever used a gun: I was in the Army for a while, loved being out on the rifle range. I have handled guns when I worked for the District Court. Something about the weight in your hands gives tingles.
  30. Never have you done any form of drugs:  I started smoking marijuana at 17. I have tried LSD along with Magic Mushrooms and regularly did Hash – however I haven’t indulged for many years. 
  31. Never ever have you been on television: I have been on television a fair bit when I was in my late teens through to aged 23 for a campaign for Survivors of Agent Orange in the Vietnam War, which my Father fought in and my brother was the ‘poster child’ of. 
  32. Never ever have I punched someone: My best friend was cheating with my boyfriend. Both lost teeth, had broken cheeks, a broken jaw and cheekbones. – They each got delivered with one right upper cut.   I have also hit my mother after she called me a Whore. 
  33. Never ever have I been so drunk I vomited: (1) A bottle of Southern Comfort, A bottle of Juniper Berry Gin, 1/2 bottle of Johnny Walker and numerous other drinks between 10 am to 4 pm, will guarantee a good spew and 3 days of alcohol poisoning!  (2) I went to a party held by a bunch of Lesbians – they got me so hammered, that when I finally got home early hours of the morning, I had to crawl up the stairs on my hands and knees while my Husband and Scarlett looked on in disbelief.  (3) I went to a work function holding a red/white wine night – got so wasted (as there was no food), I vomited all over the car, out the window and all over myself.   
  34. Never ever have I lost a bet where I had to strip: Funny enough NO!!!!
  35. Never ever have I ever given tips on oral sex: Best tip I could ever pass onto my daughters is this:  Take that cock in your hands, glance back upwards at your man, offer a cheeky smile and a cocked eyebrow, then gently but firmly sweep your tongue over the head before your tongue runs firmly down the vein to the base and back up before you sweep your tongue back over the top. Then suck that cock into your mouth like a lollipop – as deep as YOU want to take it. And enjoy…
  36. Never ever did you  have you been caught drink / driving: NEVER EVERbecause only f*cking idiots do that.

So there you go,  a bit of excitement, thought provoking information and education on Miss Lois.

Until our next education lesson on how to strum your clit,

Lois xx

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